From The China Cabinet (Pewdiepie Fic)
by haiitspocky13
Summary: Pewdiepie and his bros discover Sven and his little statue friend while trying to fight the barrels. The barrels are up to something and the bros want to get to the bottom of it. The little statue gets dragged along and all the Amnesia madness begins. StephanoxOC, PiggehxMr.Chair and PewdipiexCutiepie. STORY IS BETTER THAN SUMMARY!
1. China Cabinet Jailbreak

"I swear, if there are any fucking barrels in that storeroom..." Someone growled as crystal blue eyes fluttered open.

The small body trembled with fatigue, trying desperately to escape the heavy slab of diamond. She writhed, trying to stand and come off of the pedestal she had stood on for so long. Her joints popped, relieved to finally be out of that kneeling-in-prayer position.

"I know I have the key for it somewhere!" The person growled, now more peeved than the first time.

The little diamond statue stood, basically clawing away from the little pedestal.

"Sven! Sven! Wake up! Sven!" She whispered, trying to grab the attention of her companion.

The Viking boat turned to her, swinging his sail to show that he was indeed awake.

"He's BACK!" She hissed, still pulling at her burden.

Sven turned to the door, peering out of the locked china cabinet.

"Damn it, Mr. Chair! Where is the fucking key?" The angry voice huffed, struggling against the large metal door.

"I'm sorry Pewdie!" A more gentle voice said.

Sven turned back to the little diamond statue, stoic as ever. How could he show emotion? He was a model Viking boat.

"That's not the barrel! I know him!" The ship whisper-cheered, swaying back and forth happily.

The little statue sighed in relief. If Sven knew this guy... THEY COULD GET OUT!

She fist pumped the air, silently giving thanks. The door swung open with a loud thud, stirring up dust in the long forgotten store room. That door hadn't been open in a year or two... Ever since the barrel trapped them.

"HALLO?" The voice said, all traces of anger missing.

A young man stumbled in, coughing because of all of the dust in the air. His blue eyes were wide with excitement, blond hair soaked in sweat. He wiped his sweaty palms off on his shirt, nearly tripping over his own sneakers as he scanned the room. His shirt was blue with a white fist on it, with "Brofist!" written at the bottom.

The statue and the boat slammed against the cabinet, trying to get his attention. They knew screaming was useless. That barrel cursed this cabinet so that it was magically sealed or something.

"Ish anybody in here? I need a cellar key." The young man said, swinging his lantern about to examine the contents of the dark room.

A second young man stumbled in, arms crossed passively over his chest. His green eyes scanned the room with caution, much resembling the frightened look of a young deer. He brushed his chocolate brown locks out of his eyes and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, scurrying over to the taller blond man.

"Pewdie, can you please hurry?" He said, glancing around nervously.

The blond man looked back, blue eyes full of happiness and obliviousness.

"Hey, Mr. Char? Can you chairmode for me?" He asked cheerfully, tilting his head to the side.

The brunet nodded, looking down.

"Chairmode activate. Boop!" He squeaked, mysteriously transforming into a little wooden chair covered in green velvet.

Pewdie picked up the little green chair, hoisting it up over his head.

"Pewds! What are you- AHHHHH!"

"HYAH!" The blond shouted, swinging the little chair at the glass china cabinet.

"Ouch! Pewds! That hurt!"

The glass door shattered, letting the wooden Viking boat roll off of the cabinet.

"Pewdie!" Sven called, bouncing up and down of the stone floor.

"Sven!" Pewdie yelled, bending down to greet the model Viking ship.

Sven transformed into his human state, his joints popping as he suddenly became his burly Viking self. The two men shook hands, both very glad to see each other again.

"Thank you for freeing us, Pewdie." Sven said, bowing slightly in thanks.

"Us?" Mr. Chair asked, tilting his head.

The little statue continued her struggle, only one foot still attached. She finally yanked it off, transforming back as she began to fall from the high up shelf.

"Allos, Sven. Where have you- OOF!"

The statue landed on something with a clang, rolling back and slamming into the shattered cabinet.

"Ow! What the fu-" Someone hissed, being cut off before they could finish.

"Are you alright?" Mr. Chair asked, stooping down to help the diamond girl up. She nodded, smiling her thanks.

She turned around, holding her hands out to the golden man she had fallen on.

"Je suis très, très désolé!" She squeaked, offering him help up.

"Peu importe." He huffed, standing up on his own.

She glared at him, surprised at his rudeness. She hadn't meant to fall on him! Why would she do that?

Pewdie stepped forward, seeming to have totally ignored the incident that had just occurred.

"Howsa goin' bro? My name is PEWWWWWDIEEEPIE!"

"Bonjour, PEWWWWWDIEEEPIE!" She giggled.

"I'm Mr. Chair. And you are?" Mr. Chair said, smiling sweetly.

"Je m'appelle est Alice." She answered in her elegant French accent, turning back to the golden statue.

"And your name is?" She asked, trying again to be nice.

"Stephano." He sighed, crossing his arms.

Sven stepped forward and threw an arm around Alice's shoulder.

"Glad to finally have escaped the barrel's cabinet." He chuckled, ruffling his companion's hair.

Pewdie perked up at that.

"Barrels did this? Those FAHKING BARRELS!" Pewdie growled, shaking his fist angrily in the air.

Sven nodded with a sigh. They had been trapped in that cabinet for at least a year... or two... three? No more than four. That barrel had caught them before they could escape the castle. Alice had only been kidnaped by the bro mere days before their escape took place. They were almost over the courtyard wall when the barrel knocked them out. He cursed Alice to be a statue and shoved them both in a magically sealed china cabinet.

"I shall explain later." The raven haired Viking sighed, reaching up to the shelf of the cabinet that they had resided on. "I believe you needed this?" He said with a smile, holding out a small cellar key. Pewdie's mouth dropped open and he gasped in joy.

"YES! THANK YOU SVEN!" He shouted, taking the key and jumping up and down happily.

Stephano walked over to the Swede and placed his hands on the blond's shoulders, anchoring him to the ground.

"Yes, thank you Sven. We should be going now, but we wish you well. Just come and find us if those fucking barrels give you any morre trouble." He said in his thick French accent, bowing politely.

Mr. Chair stepped forward.

"Unless you two would like to join us?" He asked, smiling the sweetest smile he could muster up. Mr. Chair was curious about the young diamond statue. He sensed something special within her and thought he might write a good story or two based off of her unusual tale.

Sven stroked his curly black beard, chuckling softly.

"Sounds great, but I think I have some unfinished business to attend to." He stated, eyes burning with a desire for revenge.

Mr. Chair looked to Alice.

"And you, Alice?" He asked, giving puppy dog eyes just subtle enough that she wouldn't see right through him.

"I think I should stay with Sven." She said, drawing closer to the brawny Viking.

"Please?" Pewdie asked, stepping in. He was curious about the little statue as well, wanting to know what she knew about the barrels.

Alice looked up to her dear friend and protector, who had kept her safe from the time she was kidnaped and held prisoner in the castle. He patted her head, disturbing her hair from its natural fall.

"Maybe it's time you learned about Brennenburg Castle, no?" He chuckled softly, nudging her forward.

He had become much like a father to her in her perils, and was her only anchor to sanity during the time trapped in the cursed china cabinet. Alice widened her eyes, still not wishing to leave her best friend and be left with these strange men. Sven noticed the worry and rolled his eyes.

"You will love these boys. Pewdie will make you laugh 'till you cry." He started, patting the Swede on the shoulder. "Mr. Chair here is really smart. Way smarter than myself, so now you can make intelligent conversation." He laughed, knowing that Alice was very intellectual, unlike himself. He tousled the green eyed man's hair before moving on. "And Stephano... He's a warrior like me. He has the heart of a lion, and is very brave. He'll keep you safer than I ever could." Sven said, side hugging the golden Frenchman.

Stephano rolled his eyes, not eager to be traveling with yet another weak and cowardly character. Alice blushed slightly, hating how Sven talked to her like she was a child. She felt very embarrassed at the first impression she had given of herself. Mr. Chair stepped forward, grabbing Alice's small hand in his.

"So, will you join us?" He asked, eyes hopeful.

Alice cast another worried glance to Sven before giving Mr. Chair a nod.

"It'd be a pleasure."

Mr. Chair smiled, glad to have a new adventuring friend that wasn't a cowardly Swedish gamer or angry French swordsman. Alice stood on her toes and hugged her dearest Viking companion, giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek to say goodbye for now. He patted her on the back, knowing that she was about to get an adventure she may or may not be ready for. He worried about her lack of knowledge of the dangers of the castle, as they had spent all of her time in the castle locked up in the storeroom.

"Au revoir, Sven, mon ami." She purred as she turned to go.

"Goodbye, young one. You know where to find me." He said, saluting her.

Pewdie ran up behind her and grabbed her arm, heading towards the door.

"Mr. Chair, Stephano! Hurry! We have the cellar key now!" He shouted as he dragged the little diamond statue away.

Mr. Chair rushed to follow them, short legs and lack of athleticism making it hard to match Pewdie's pace. Stephano walked slowly and grudgingly behind, already more royally pissed than usual.


	2. Piggeh and The Kaernk

"Okay... Where was the machine room again?" Pewdie asked, still gripping Alice's small arm tightly.

Mr. Chair shrugged, pulling out a small leather bound notebook. He flipped the pages, searching for an answer, then looked up and shook his head.

"Stephano?" He asked.

Stephano looked up from the stone he had been using to sharpen his sword, face bored and eyes dull with apathy.

"Down the corridor, turn left, down the stairs, third door on the right." He huffed.

Pewdie tilted his head.

"My God, you are an idiot." He sighed taking the lantern and the lead. "This way." He instructed, leading the small group towards their destination.

Stephano was silent, obviously not wanting to carry on any conversation. Pewdie hummed some old Swedish song softly, smiling down at the picture of he ad Marzia that he kept in his backpack. Mr. Chair caught up to Alice, loads of questions ready to spill out.

"So... I've never seen you around the castle... obviously... So, uhm. How did you get here?"

Alice frowned. "Kidnaped."

Mr. Chair nodded. "And what do you remember about it?" He asked, head tilted to the side. "If you don't mind talking about it and all..."

Alice shook her head. "Ah... Well, it was a few years ago. I don't recall how long I was in the cabinet with Sven... We lost track of time. But before that. The night... it was dark and cold, but I went outside to the balcony of my room. I was almost in a trance, but I just suddenly noticed that I had walked to the garden. I sat down under the willow tree and fell asleep, but not by my own will. It was like someone knocked me out." She breathed, eyes sad.

"Mmhm. Wow... that's so weird. I don't remember much, but that sounds kind of like what happened to me... So, is that it?" Mr. Chair said, tapping his pen on his nose.

Alice shook her head. "No... but things are blurry. I just remember waking up in a pool of blood in the corridor. Sven found me wandering and he promised to protect me." She said, turning to Mr. Chair and noticing that he was jotting her words down.

"Uh, Mr. Chair?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, is it okay if I write this all down? I probably should have asked first... I just like to write and I kind of got curious as to what your story was." He explained, smiling sheepishly.

She nodded, turning to look at Pewdie, who still dragged her along by the bend of her arm. He seemed to be thinking over her words, mindlessly chewing on his bottom lip. She turned to look ahead, gold eyes meeting diamond ones. Stephano's head snapped back around, pretending that he hadn't been watching her.

"Here." Stephano muttered, pushing open the machine room door. He stepped back, motioning the group forward.

Pewdie rushed in, heading strait for the cellar door.

"C'mon, Brochachos!" Pewds yelled, picking up a cog and shoving it into place.

The gears turned and the large metal plate in front of the door lifted, allowing Pewdie to unlock the splintery peice of wood. He struggled against the handle, slamming his shoulder into it.

"Here, let me try." Alice said, pulling Pewdie aside.

Stephano scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Alice turned, glaring at him. "Got something to say, statue?" She asked, mild contempt coloring her voice.

"You're a statue too, cretine." He sighed, crossing his arms.

"Ne pas baiser avec moi!"

"Who said I wanted to?" He said back childishly, slight smirk showing through his impassive expression.

"You know that's not what I meant!" She hissed, digging her nails into her palms.

"Allons-y! J'aimerais bien voir ça!" He said, motioning her to go on and try to unjam the door.

She stuck up her middle fingers and spun around on her heel to turn to the door. She pulled her diamond riding boots up, preparing to show Stephano who's boss.

"Watch and learn, mother fuckers." She growled, kicking the door right beside the lock.

The door remained closed.

She kicked again, but harder this time. "Son of a bitch!" She hissed.

Stephano laughed. "Step aside, girl."

"NO!" She growled, kicking the door open with all her might, slamming it into the stone beside it.

Stephano stood there, face filled with confusion and surprise.

"Whatcha got to say about that, boy?" She laughed, stealing the lantern from him.

Pewdie playfully punched her on the arm, smiling like a fool.

"Showed him, didn'tcha bro?" He laughed.

She smiled, nodding sheepishly. Mr. Chair scribbled down the last of that scene and followed them down the stairs to the cellar.

"Nice, Alice." He said, reading over the short dispute between Alice and Stephano. He wondered for a minute if it would be rude to get the translations from either of them, but decided he would just find someone else who spoke French.

Stephano followed behind the small group, flushed and boiling with anger.

"YEYUH! I'M PUMPED!" Someone shouted from above, causing the Swedish gamer to nearly piss himself.

The group looked around, seeing no one.

"Piggeh?" Stephano growled, drawing his sword.

A figure dropped from the ceiling, smashing into the ground with a fleshy squish. The pig stood up and changed into human form, pouncing on poor Mr. Chair before anyone had time to even process what had just happened.

"Ow. Piggeh, get off of me please."

"~Yeh!~ Piggeh slide!" He purred, rocking his hips over the little brunet man.

Pewdie and Alice turned their heads, clearly very uncomfortable. Stephano merely closed his eyes and facepalmed.

"You disgust me." He huffed, kicking the pig-humanoid off of the now thoroughly scarred-for-life Mr. Chair.

Mr. Chair scambled to his feet, shivering with fear and discomfort. Piggeh stood up, flipping his pink hair out of his magenta eyes. He tilted his head to the side, slinking over to Pewdie and Alice.

"Who's the hot diamond chick?" He asked, smirking at her flirtatiously. She smirked back.

"Alice Pelletier. And you are Piggeh, correct?"

"Percy Deslilgh, but skip the shit. You can call me Piggeh." He purred, pulling her into a rather long and tight hug. She hugged back, refusing to let him know that he was freaking her out. He stroked her hair, trying to get that uncomfortable reaction from her. She pulled away, composed smile still in tact. Just to see if she could turn the tables, she gave him a flirty slap on the butt. His eyes widened in shock.

They stood in silence for a minute or two before Pewdie died of laughter.

"That was priceless!" He laughed, clutching his side. "You just out-perved Piggeh!"

Alice smiled, arms crossed over her chest. Piggeh relaxed, pink ears standing up on his head a bit.

"I like her. We're keeping her." He said, returning the favor.

Mr. Chair scribbled that all down in his notebook, blushing slightly. Stephano rolled his eyes.

Stephano pushed them aside as he made his way down the stairs. "Nice seeing you Piggeh, but we have places to be. Hope to not see you again anytime soon." He stated bluntly.

"Where are you going?" Piggeh asked, turning to Pewdie.

Pewdie smiled. "To save MAHTIIN from those god damned barrels." He explained, saying Martin's name a lot louder than actually necessary.

"Aweh yeah! Rescue mission!" Piggeh shouted, pumping his fist in the air.

"Up for a little barrel-ass kickin'?" Pewdie asked, slipping off his backpack.

"Yeh! I'm pumped! So frickin' pumped!" Piggeh shouted, throwing his fists up with excitement.

Pewdie handed him a spare glock, smiling his goofy smile. "C'mon brochachos. Let's go!"

He took the gun and shoved it into the waist band of his pink skinny jeans, covering it with his tattered brown hoodie.

"S'go!" And with that, he took off down the stairs, snatching the lantern out of Stephano's hand.

"Great. Let's play "How many nuisances can we pick up?" on the way to save Martin." Stephano growled, waving his sword angrily about.

Alice shot him a dirty look, "accidentally" elbowing him in the ribs as she took off after Piggeh.

Pewdie, Mr. Chair, and Stephano hurried after them. The three stopped short beside Alice and Piggeh. Piggeh had his arm out in front of Alice as if he had just stopped her.

Mr. Chair shivered, backing away slowly with wide eyes. The cellar the size of a basketball court was flooding. Water monsters.

"Looks like we're gonna need to get by the old Kaernk." Stephano sighed, looking around for any splash to indicate its current position.

"Wha?" Pewdie asked, tilting his head.

Stephano facepalmed. "Water monster, dipshit."

Piggeh transformed back into a pig, dropping the lantern at Pewdie's feet. He dipped his muzzle into the water, swishing back and forth slowly. He pulled back up, turning and looking up at the three gathered around him.

"It's not close enough to smell something delicious like me, so we might be okay." The pig stated, plopping down with a fleshy sound.

Stephano rolled his eyes. "Alright. Allons-y." He said, taking a first step into the water.

Pewdie cringed, waiting for the water monster to dart up and snap Stephano's leg clean off. When the water monster remained unseen, Pewdie stepped in too, wading in the shallow water. Piggeh followed, rolling down the stairs and into the water. He doggy-paddled in the shallow water, swinging his muzzle to beckon the other two in.

"Uh, can you guys... find another way or something?" Mr. Chair squeaked, holding tightly to the rail of the staircase.

Alice turned, surprised to see her friend's death grip on the dry rotting piece of wood. She went back a few steps and grabbed his hand.

"What's the matter?" She asked.

He shook his head. "No, no, no." He muttered, green eyes hazed with fear.

She sighed, pinching his wrist to break the death grip on the rail.

"Ow!" He yelped, letting go.

She grabbed him by the wrist, tugging him down the stairs. She finally managed to get to the bottom steps before he could grab the rail again.

"Stop! ALICE! PLEASE, NO! HAVE MERCY!" He shrieked, breathing heavily.

Alice stopped, still wondering what his deal was. Pewdie jumped up and grabbed Alice's ankle, pulling both of the standing bros into the water.

_**SPLASH!**_

"Thank you, Pewds." She sighed.

Mr. Chair stared down at the ice-cold, murky water in horror, not wanting to believe that he was ribcage-deep in it. Something stirred in the water about halfway across the cellar.

"Shit, you've alarmed it." Stephano hissed, diving into the deep water. Piggeh and Alice followed close behind.

Pewdie watched for the water monster, not seeing the splashes anymore. He reached into his backpack, pulling out one of The Bro's arms and tossing it. The splashes appeared again and Pewdie dived in, knowing that it would take little to no time for that arm to be devoured.

"Chairmode activate. Boop." Mr. Chair muttered, transforming into his chair form.

Pewdie pulled out another limb, now closer to the other staircase on the opposite side of the room. He threw the leg and waited for the monster to begin feasting, staying as silent as possible as he swam closer and closer to the stairs. Stephano pulled himself up, surprised that the Kaernk had given them no trouble. Alice climbed up onto the dry stairs after him, shivering. She wished to ask about the mysterious creature, but sensed that speaking would not be wise. Pewdie pulled himself up onto the stairs beside the two statues, looking to see where his other two friends were. Pewdie gasped.

Two pig ears were barely visible poking out of the water, slowly making their way back to the small green chair in the shallow water across the room. The Kaenk splashed, now noticing the pig. Pewdie opened his mouth to yell out, but Stephano silenced him before he could.

"He's got this. Yelling will only fuck this up." He whispered, hand placed over Pewdie's mouth.

Pewdie nodded, blue eyes fearful for his friends. Piggeh closed in on the motionless chair, wrapping his tail around one of the legs. He looked up to see the Kaernek's splashes moving closer, and he took off.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit..." Alice hissed to herself, noticing how close the Kaernk had gotten to the pig and chair. Stephano stayed silent, eyes narrowed. Pewdie struggled against Stephano's cold hand, wanting more than anything to scream and yell out and cry. Piggeh looked back, noting the distance between the monster and himself. He took a deep breath and dived under the murky depths, hoping to maybe juke the beast. Alice and Pewdie leaned forward, trying to make out the figure of the pig dragging the chair through the water. Stephano remained silent, still clasping Pewdie's jaw shut.

The monster stopped and a faint sound of sniffing was the only thing audible in the room. The pig and chair remained underwater. Far too long. Pewdie looked back at Stephano, who shook his head.

"Piggeh can sort it out. Leave him be." Stephano hissed into the Swede's ear.

Alice writhed in place. She trembled a bit, worried that Piggeh and Mr. Chair had drowned. She finally decided that he was taking too long, and dived in.

Translations: (May be inaccurate or inexact. I am still working on my French.)

_cretine- idiot/moron (fem)_

_Ne pas baiser avec moi!- similar to "Do not fuck with me!"_

_Allons-y! J'aimerais bien voir ça!- Almost like "Come on. I'd like to see you try/do it." or "Come on. I want to see if you can do it."_ (You get the point.)

_Allons-y- Let's go._


	3. Untrusted Statue Ambush!

Pewdie lunged forward, breaking Stephano's grip. He kneeled at the last dry step, straining to see Alice, Piggeh, or Mr. Chair. Stephano's eyes widened in shock, kneeling down next to Pewdie.

"Stephano! What the fuck?" Pewdie whined softly, the Kaernk only mere feet away from their safe place on the dry steps.

"Just stay here. It can't get us here." Stephano reminded, grasping the back of the Swede's shirt.

"But what about-"

"I told you. Just sit." Stephano hissed, yanking the blond gamer down by his shirt collar.

Pewdie sat still, listening to the sound of the Kaernk's confused sniffing. He gasped slightly when a snout broke the surface of the water, gasping for air. The Kaernk snapped at him, but Piggeh swerved, going for the stairs. The Kaernk lunged, ripping off a piece of rotting flesh on Piggeh's hind leg. The pig squealed, jumping onto the dry stairs, dragging a soaked chair behind him. Pewdie pulled his two friends up, watching them change back to their human forms.

"Oh God, bros! Are you guys fucking okay?" Pewdie asked, patting a hacking Mr. Chair on the back.

Piggeh nodded, panting heavily.

"Thanks to Piggeh." Mr. Chair said, turning to his pink haired friend. "Without you, I would be water monster snack."

Piggeh smiled, turning back to the water.

"Mr. Chair got hung on an old spinning wheel underwater. If Alice didn't help us get loose, we would have drowned." Piggeh said, face unusually serious.

"Son of a bitch!" Alice screamed, thrashing in the water. She clawed at the stairs, trying to escape the Kaernk's jaws. Stephano reached out, trying to grab her hand.

"Alice! Hold on!" He shouted, drawing his sword.

The Kaernk sensed danger and backed away from the staircase, dragging the little diamond statue away with it. Alice kicked and clawed, writing to escape its clutches. Stephano jumped into the water, lunging at the creature with sword pointed. The creature dodged, swinging an gigantic fin at Stephano, knocking him backwards.

"See you in hell, mother fucker!" Alice screeched, drawing a long, sharp blade out of her boot and driving it into her otherworldly captor.

The monster screeched, dropping her into the water. Stephano recovered, grabbing Alice by the bend of the arm and pulling her up onto the stairs. The bros stared, wide-eyed in shock an fear. The water monster roared in anger, trying to attack them from the water. Alice reached under the skirt of her dress, pulling out a long whip and snapping it at the beast.

"Back! Back!" She shouted, almost as if taming a lion.

The Kaernk growled in defeat, leaving the bros be. Alice sighed, plopping down beside her soaked friends.

"Did you just... pull a whip and a coustille on the Kaernk?" Stephano asked, dropping down beside his bros.

Alice nodded. "Oui."

Pewdie narrowed his eyes. "What the actual fuck?" He muttered, lying flat on his back.

"Why didn't you tell us that you wielded a whip and a coustille?" Stephano asked, examining the barbed and hooked whip.

"You boys never asked." She said mischievously, pulling a second blade out of her dress, this one sheathed, hanging on a chain around her neck.

Stephano snatched the dagger, eyeing it suspiciously. He looked up at her, eyes narrowed.

"And you have a bassilard just casually hanging around your neck?" He asked, running his finger along the sharp blade.

She nodded, snatching back both her bassilard and whip.

"Oh! Well then! Seems to me that this girl isn't a total psychopath!" Stephano growled sarcastically, standing up and heading up the stairs.

Pewdie, Mr. Chair, and Piggeh stood up, ready to follow him. Piggeh chuckled, helping Alice to her feet.

"Psycho or not, that was total badassery. Thanks, man." He purred, giving her a quick hug.

Alice looked down at the back of his right thigh, noticing the huge piece of cloth missing and excess of blood pouring down.

"Oh mon dieu, are you okay?" She asked, covering her mouth to keep from gagging.  
Piggeh chuckled, making his way up the stairs.

"Yeh, I'm fine. A lot of the nerves are dead, so I'm not hurting.

Alice nodded, going to check on her other new friend.

"Mr. Chair, are you alright?"

Mr. Chair nodded. "Fine. I'm fine." He said, trembling slightly.

"What happened?" She asked, putting an arm around her cold and startled friend.

He sighed. "I can't swim. The water monster scares me even worse because of that. I didn't know what to do, so I just chairmoded."

Alice frowned, giving him a reassuring hug. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know!" She said.

"Oh, It's not your fault. You couldn't have known." He yawned with a smile.

"Stephano... Is it safe?" Pewdie hissed worriedly, interrupting the two.

Stephano stopped at the top of the landing, motioning for the bros to stay still. He squinted, eyes dead serious, sword drawn. He relaxed a little, straitening up and slapping Pewdie on the back of the head.

"Just an iron maiden, dumbass." He sighed.

Pewdie shook his head. "No, Stephano. The candlelight is red. Perfect for romance, death, or rape."

Piggeh smirked, winking at Pewdie suggestively. Alice and Mr. Chair stood rigid, not liking the sound of at least two of those. Stephano facepalmed.

"So fucking what?" He growled, poking Pewdie on the chest with the hilt of his sword.

Pewdie crossed his arms. "It looks suspicious. I'm not going until I'm sure it's safe."

Stephano let out a frustrated string of unintelligible curses in just about every language he knew mixed together. "Alright, Pewdie. Do you want me to check it for you?" He asked, massaging his temples.

Pewdie nodded, smiling his goofy smile. Stephano reached into his drenched tunic pocket, pulling out a rectangular block of gold and setting it on the steps. He shrunk down, kneeling on it, then looking up to Pewdie.

"I'm ready."

Pewdie grabbed the little statue and placed him on the cold marble floor. "En. Två. Tre." He said, before sliding his little golden friend across the floor. Stephano slid across the marble unharmed, landing right in the middle of the open iron maiden.

"See? Nothing to worry about." Stephano said.

Pewdie sighed a breath of relief, waving the bros onward. They stepped into the silent room, fanning out a bit to search for a door key. Pewdie picked up a flower pot, looking for the key, then tossed it. The flowerpot smashed the ground and the candles all went out. Someone screamed and Pewdie fell to the ground, clutching his head. Everyone was silent. Too shocked to do much. Pewdie reached into his backpack, pulling out tinder boxes to re-light the candles. Once the room was bright enough to see, Pewdie gasped. The iron maiden was slammed shut and the room was surrounded by suits of armor.

"I DON'T TRUST YOU!" Pewdie screeched, running up and punching one's helmet off.

"Pewdie... Stephano's trapped." Mr. Chair said, yanking on the doors of the iron maiden.

"Double kill!" Pewdie said, smashing the helmets off with another severed helmet. "Triple kill! Quadruple kill! Uh... Mega kill!" He shouted, taking out each and every helmet in the entire room.

Piggeh grabbed him and stopped him, turning him to face the iron maiden.

"Stephano got locked in!" Mr. Chair said, yanking on the doors.

Stephano banged his fists on the metal from the inside, growling obscenities in a mixture of French and Swedish. Pewdie rushed towards the iron maiden, grabbing hold of the opposite door and pulling with all of his might. Alice and Piggeh rushed to help, joining the other two in their hopeless attempts to pry the trap open.

"GOD DAMN IT STEPANO!" Pewdie yelled, slinging off his backpack to hopefully get some tools.

The Swede searched frantically through his backpack, pulling out a chipper and a hammer.

"Step aside. I'm going to use my he-man strength." He stated rather calmly, wedging the chipper in between the two doors.

He pulled the hammer back and slammed it into the chipper, wedging it in a little bit farther. He jumped at that, eyes full of excitement and determination. He slung the hammer again and again attempting to split the doors apart, but to no avail. He slung the hammer one last time, snapping the rusted and brittle old chipper in half.

"God damnit." He hissed, kicking the door.

The bros looked around the room for another way to pry open the doors, ignoring Stephano's enraged curses. Alice and Mr. Chair spotted a storage closet and immediately thought of maybe finding some tools. They made their way to it, but the untrusted statues just crossed their lances, blocking the path.

"Move, please." Mr. Chair said politely, pushing at one of the lances.  
The now de-helmeted suits of armor simply chuckled, not moving an inch. Alice crossed her arms.

"I don't like these guys." She huffed, kicking one in the shin-plate.

Pewds rolled his eyes. "Duh. They're annoying as fuck. Can't trust these sonsabitches." He said, standing in front of them.

"So how do we get past them?" Alice asked, trying to push her way past.

The untrusted statues moved their lance, prodding her in the stomach with the dull end.

Pewdie shrugged. "Brute force? Or maybe we can find a gap in their formation." With that he looked around the perimeter of the room, taking note that they were completely surrounded.

"Nope!" Piggeh added, popping the 'p' for effect.

Stephano continued his assault on the wood and metal insides of the iron maiden, wishing more than anything that he could slap the bros for stupidity and then lead them on their way.

"Look for something to climb over them!" He shouted, knowing that the bros had a chance at jumping over and clearing the suits of armor.

"Mr. Chair?" Pewds said, turning to the small brunet man.

"Chairmode activate. Boop!" He muttered, transforming into his chair-form without need for further explanation.

"Alright. Clap for me, brochachos." He said as he often did when in need of encouragement.

Piggeh and Alice began to clap without question, and Pewdie stood on Mr. Chair, preparing for his jump.

"Stephano! I don't hear you clapping!" He shouted, turning back to the iron maiden.

Stephano huffed, facepalming before joining in on the clapping.

"En. Två. Tre!" Pewdie shouted, leaping above the statues.

The statues raised their lances, effectively blocking Pewdie and causing him to fall flat of his back.

"Din kuksugar horas! Drå at helvete!" Pewds growled as he crumpled into a ball, sore from his abrupt landing on the cold stone floor.

Alice bent down to help him up, shaking her head. "You alright, Pewds?" She asked.

He nodded, gesturing for someone else to have a go. Piggeh stepped forward, transforming into his pig form.

"Toss me over them. I'll be lighter so you guys can launch me farther."

Pewdie and Alice nodded. Pewds stood back on Mr. Chair and Alice handed the rotting pink pig to him, cringing a bit when her hand was covered in the blood from his back leg. Pewds sighed, eyes hopeful again.

"Ready, bro?"

"Yeh! I'm pumped! I'm pumped! So frikin' PUMPED!" Piggeh shouted as Pewdie tossed him over the line of statues.

One suit of armor lunged forward, impaling the rotten skin between Piggeh's front left leg and his chest.

"Well, fuck me." He sighed rather calmly, ears flopping down in defeat as he hung dangling from the spear. "Well, Alice? I think that's your cue."

"Me? Oh, no! My nerves aren't decayed like yours. That'll hurt like a bitch." She said, crossing her arms and turning away.

"C'mon, Alice! We need you! Bro, you got this!" Pewdie shouted.

Alice shook her head.

"I'll clap for you!" Pewds offered.

"Mais non." Alice huffed.

"Just go statue mode and I'll throw you way out of their reach!" Pewdie pleaded.

"How about no?"

"Alice! Just do it, damn it!" Stephano yelled from inside the iron maiden, beginning to get a bit claustrophobic.

"No! How about we just fucking-"

_**CRASH!**_

The bros spun around to see several statues had been knocked flat to the floor. The clang had stopped the argument and everyone was more confused as to what just happened. A door from behind the formation of statues had been jarred open, slamming right into two or three of the suits of armor and sending a few toppling over. A grey sneaker appeared from behind the doorway and out stepped a familiar white face.

"Sup?" The brunet in the royal blue hoodie greeted, tilting his head so that his strait-line mouth was slanted.

"CRYYYY!" Pewdie shouted, running over and tackling his American gamer friend.

"Sup, Pewds?" Cry yawned, seeming particularly unsurprised by this reaction.

Pewdie got off of the American, offering a hand to help him up. "Cry, we need your help. We're going to fight the barrels but Stephano got his stupid ass stuck in an iron maiden!"

Cry snickered softly, listening to Stephano hiss obscenities at that comment. "Sure." He said, slinging off his lime green backpack and fishing out a rusty old crowbar. He jammed the crowbar in between the doors and took a deep breath, prying open the iron maiden inch by inch.

"Damn, it's pretty hard to open. This may take a while." Cry sighed,scratching the nape of his neck.

"Don't even worry about it, Cry. I gotcha." Pewds reassured, grabbing hold of the crowbar.

The two pulled together, growling as they fought with the stupid old maiden. The doors slammed open, flinging both gamers back into an unsuspecting diamond statue and green felt chair.

"Fucking finally!" Stephano sighed, ignoring the pile of now grumbling bros.

Cry helped Pewds and Alice up, then stood Mr. Chair on all four legs.

"Thanks, Cry."

"Merci beaucoup."

"Thank you."

The three said, Mr. Chair returning to human form.

"Stephano." Cry murmured, nodding to the golden man approaching the others.

"Cry." Stephano muttered, returning the gesture.

"Hey, Mr. Chair."

"Hello, Cry!"

"Sup, Piggeh?" Cry said, turning to the still dangling pig.

"Yo, Cry!"

"And... I don't think we've met before." Cry stated, turning to the diamond statue.

"I'm Alice. Enchantée." She said, offering him her hand to shake.

Cry picked up her had and shook it, then held up his other hand in a fist.

Alice tilted her head, eyes narrowed.

"Brofist?" Cry asked.

Alice turned and looked to Pewds' shirt. "Uh..."

"Pewds, have you not brofisted this bro yet?" Cry asked.

Pewdie shook his head. "Guess not."

"You're grounded." Cry announced, then turned to Alice. "Guess I get your brofist virginity, then."

Alice giggled, raising her fist and pounding it to Cry's.

"So, Pewds." Cry turned to his Swedish friend. "Are you recording?"

"Nah, personal play time. I haven't played as much as I should have been."

"Damned right." Stephano muttered, arms crossed with the slight feeling of abandonment boiling in his chest.

"Oh... So, what are you bros doing?" Cry asked, taking something small out of his backpack and sliding it into his front hoodie pocket.

"Rescue mission. Wanna make it a Pewds and Cry adventure?" Pewdie asked, reaching for a weapon for Cry.

"Hell yes." Cry answered. He noticed the gun and held out his hand. "No thanks, got my own." He lifted his hoodie to show twin revolvers hanging from his belt loops.

"So, what now?" Mr. Chair asked.

"We go and fight the fucking barrels. Same plan as always." Stephano explained, walking towards the door.

"Cool." Cry said, following behind. The rest of the bros headed for the door as well, almost forgetting a certain someone.

"Yo! A little help here?" Piggeh shouted.

Stephano approached the statue holding Piggeh suspended and drew his sword, simply chopping the brittle wood of the handle in half. Piggeh dropped with the tip pointing up, sending the lance almsot completely through the skin. Stephano grabbed it and pulled, leaving yet another bloody hole in Piggeh's skin. Piggeh transformed back into human for and examined the hole in his hood, then shrugged and headed towards the door. Stephano shook his head, following behind the group silently.

"Ay Carumba..."

**A/N:**

_Din kuksugar horas! Drå at helvete! -_(Swedish) You cocksucking whores! Go to hell!

_En. Två. Tre- _(Swedish) One. Two. Three.

_Merci beaucoup- _(French) Thank you very much.

_Enchantée- _(French) Nice to meet you. (Shortened version)

_Ay Carumba- _(Spanish) Well, darn/Oh, boy/Aw, man/Crap (Several meanings. Can be out of disgust, surprise, or disappointment. In that ballpark somewhere.)

Did I miss anything? Yay for Cry, amiright? I consider Cry a bro. Does Cry need a companion? Maybe? Review and tell me!

Does anyone remember "Brofist virginity"? Your first brofist? I do. :)

What do you thing is going on in Stephano's head? I think there's a little bit of... *cough*jealousy*cough* What? Huh? Tell me what you think!

I finally fixed my computer! More chapters to come! Wanna see something happen? Got ideas? Think Cry needs a pairing too? PM or review! I love to be involved with my readers! Thanks!

_**-Pocky**_


	4. Sleep Well

"Hey Cry, about how long have you been wandering around?" Pewds asked, running his fingers through greasy blond hair.

"Uh, I'd say a good 2 hours and 45 minutes." Cry said, straitening his white mask.

Alice stared blankly at the round white face, finding herself almost mesmerized by the peculiarity. She didn't know that Cry had been watching her from behind the mask, wondering how long she would silently stare.

"What have you found out?" Pewdie asked, taking a look at the few notes that he had previously collected.

"I found out that this corridor makes a loop. I had already been in the room where Stephano got trapped." Cry stated, shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket.

Stephano narrowed his eyes, silently wishing that Cry would need to stop playing soon and teleport back to wherever he came from. Mr. Chair looked down at his notes, unaware of the fact that Piggeh was reading the journal from over the shorter man's shoulder. Alice continued to stare into Cry's white, emotionless face, barely noticing the fact that she was almost in a trance. Cry turned to her and cocked his head to the side, causing Alice to jump.

"Eh... Je suis desole." Alice muttered, looking down in embarrassment.

Cry chuckled softly, not very surprised by her reaction. "S'okay. I get that a lot."

Alice looked up. "Get what?"

"Weirded-out glances, confused stares, awkward frightened gazes... That kind of stuff." Cry said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

Alice's eyes widened. "Oh! No, no, no! I like it! I just thought it looked kind of... familiar. Reminds me of something. That's all." She explained, feeling like she had possibly somehow hurt Cry.

Cry turned back to her, impassive mask hiding his amused expression. "Oh, yeah? Of what?"

"Uh... It kind of reminds me of these masks from the Happy Mask Shop." Alice mumbled, blushing slightly.

"From the Legend Of Zelda?" Cry asked, taking something out of his hoodie pocket and clasping his hands around it.

Alice nodded, tilting her head to the side. "Uh, Cry? Mind if I ask whatcha got there?"

Cry shook his head, releasing one of his hands to show off what he had been holding. A little white thing with two stubby legs and a lack of arms stood up, staring at Alice with a face like Cry's. "Sup?" The little thing squeaked, it's adorably large curl of hair bobbing as it did the little 'sup nod'. Alice put a hand over her mouth, walking closer to Cry to take a closer look at the peculiar little... whatever it is.

"It's adorable!" She cooed, stroking under its chin with her finger.

Cry chuckled, nodding slightly. "He's a 'Sup Guy."

Alice nodded, finding it to be a reasonable name. Cry was an odd fellow, but Alice liked him. Mr. Chair, Piggeh, and Pewds all watched as Alice and Cry played with the funny little creature. Stephano simply grinded his teeth together, finding himself terribly irritated for some reason.

"Cry, have you actually done anything useful yet? I feel like we've just been wandering aimlessly around. We're going to get attacked by the grunt if we don't advance quickly." Stephano sighed, trying to hide his annoyance.

Cry turned to him, still holding up his little Sup Guy. "Yeah Stephano, I've made progress." Cry said. "I've already gotten myself in trouble a couple of times, but I also found this." Cry shrugged off his backpack, shuffling around a bit before pulling whatever he searched for out. Cry dangled a rusty key ring in front of Stephano's face, showing off each of the places he had been and had yet to be.

Stephano snatched the keys from him and examined each one, reading the tags that told where they lead to. "AHA!" Stephano laughed, finding one in particular. "The morgue. This way!" He shouted, taking off down the corridor. The group took off after him, unable to see him from around the corners.

"Oh, merde!" Stephano yelled over a sudden shriek. The group rounded the corner to see Stephano on the ground with his sword through a TNG's stomach.

"Javla fan! Teleporting naked guys! I fucking hate teleporting naked guys!" Pewdie growled.

More shrieks erupted and out flew about two dozen more TNG, all of them flying strait towards the bros. Alice fell to the ground and pulled the coustille from her riding boot, flailing it around above her blindly as the grungy naked men bombarded the group of terrified bros. When the waves of creepy naked guys finally stopped, Pewdie helped Alice up, both shivering.

"What in Cthulhu's fuck?" Alice whimpered, looking around at her also shivering friends.

"Teleporting naked guys are the worst. They appear out of nowhere!" Piggeh stated, widening his eyes for effect.

"But why do they-"

"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE!" A last TNG shouted, knocking Alice back and right into someone else.

"God damn it, fall on someone else for a change! I am so fucking tired of you!" Stephano growled, shoving Alice out of his lap.

"It's not like I wanted to, connard! (asshole) I just got slammed in the chest by a naked guy at mother fucking mach 6!"

"Ta gueule." (STFU) Stephano growled.

"C'est des connenes!" (This is bullshit!)

"Je m'en fous!" (I don't give a fuck.) Stephano stated bluntly.

"Va te faire foutre." (Go fuck yourself.) Alice retorted.

Pewdie, Cry, Piggeh, and Mr. Chair all stared blankly at the two quarreling statues. Stepano and Alice stood still, glaring at each other, willing the other to hurl the next insult. When none came, Mr. Chair was the one to step forward.

"Guys, please? May we carry on without further conflict?"

Stephano glanced to Mr. Chair, eyes narrowed to slits.

"You just had to invite her along, didn't you?" He hissed.

Mr. Chair crossed his arms.

"Both of you are being incredibly childish!" Mr. Chair huffed, looking from statue to statue.

Stephano and Alice grudgingly turned to each other, then back to Mr. Chair.

"I'm sorry." Stephano sighed in defeat, running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry as well." Alice agreed.

"Yay! We're all good bros again! Can we fucking go now?" Pewdie piped in.

"Yes, Pewdie. This way." Stephano said, taking the lead once more.

The group moved in an awkward silence behind Stephano, who's usually perfect posture was slumped. The Frenchman was muttering something to himself, eyes narrowed into slits. Mr. Chair tried to occupy himself with his leather-bound journal, the task being proven quite hard with a warm, pink mass towering over him. Piggeh was so close that he was almost pressed against the brunet's back. Cry hummed softly to himself, round face pointed towards the backs of Pewdie's sneakers. Alice trailed at the back of the group feeling guilty, foolish, and regretful that she has been persuaded to come along. The morgue door was huge, a rustic old slab of heavy metal. Stephano slid the key into the lock and fought against the iron door, cursing a bit before he pushed it open.

"Everyone spread out and find the trapdoor. We'll take it down into the sewer. Be sure to grab anything you think might be useful." Stephano instructed.

"Really? The sewer?" Mr. Chair complained, slamming his journal shut and stuffing it into his satchel.

"Don't worry, I'll hold your hand." Piggeh purred, grabbing the man's shoulders.

"What will that help?" Pewdie asked obliviously, walking off towards a table to look for anything they might need.

Alice laughed softly to herself, searching around the cold morgue for... whatever. She wasn't actually sure what they would need, but whatever. She just listened silently as she walked around, messing with the miscellaneous tools and instruments. She heard Cry and Pewdie fooling around and Piggeh humming, but the room was pretty quiet. Things were still awkward. She looked around the floor, searching for the trapdoor, feeling that feeling of being watched. Alice glanced up, confirming her suspicions when she caught cold golden eyes staring from across the room. Stephano's eyes quickly flicked away once he noticed her glaring, then shook his head and began searching again.

"Found it, bitches!" Pewdie laughed, yanking open the metal door and putting his foot on the first rung of the ladder.

Alice followed as the rest of the bros climbed down the ladder, grabbing a bottle of something random off of the desk that had been covering the trapdoor. She immediately shivered upon dropping into the dark tunnel, it being much colder than the previous level.

"It's freezing in here!" whined, crossing his arms over his chest and shivering.

Piggeh wrapped his arms around him, making the smaller man blush.

"Piggeh, stahp. Das gay." Pewdie said jokingly.

Piggeh smirked. "What? He said he was cold. I'm just being a good bro."

"You disgust me." Stephano muttered, taking the lantern and stepping into the ankle-deep water.

"Hey, guys? Anybody know what time it is?" Cry yawned, popping his back and knuckles.

"Er, in America?" Pewds asked, checking his phone.

"That'd be great." Cry confirmed.

Pewdie showed Cry the phone, the light from the screen illuminating his white mask in the dark tunnel.

"Shit, I gotta get home." Cry groaned. "See you guys later?"

Pewds nodded. "I better get going too."

The two gamers brofisted, then turned to the others.

"Bye guys!"

"Catcha later, bros."

They both unplugged their microphones and slowly faded away, leaving the game and returning home.

"Uh, what the fuck?" Alice asked, staring down at the abandoned backpacks lying in the drainage.

"That happens when the gamers unplug their headsets." Mr. Chair sighed. "We just make sure we're here for Pewds when he gets back."

"And Cry?"

"He kinda has his own people. Pot, broom, and the 'Sup Guys take care of him." Piggeh explained, still holding Mr. Chair in his arms.

"C'mon then. We'll be here when Pewdie needs us." Stephano huffed, picking up the abandoned packs.

The bros headed up the ladder, heading back to their rooms to rest up for the night.

"Wait, wait, wait... So we're just leaving?" Alice asked, still clutching the bottle.

"Mhm. We won't have to cross the basement or anything again. We're pretty much back on our sides of the castle." Mr. Chair answered. "Bros, I think Alice should stay in the East wing in a room close to mine. I don't trust that she'd be very safe in the West."

"Fine by me." Stephano called, already pretty far ahead.

"Or would sweet little Alice like to sleep with me tonight?" Piggeh purred, linking arms with her as they walked.

"No!" Mr. Chair hissed before she could answer.

Alice shook her head. She felt nauseous and fatigued. "As long as I can get to bed asap."

"Yes, of course." Mr. Chair laughed softly. "I know a vacant room just two doors down from mine."

"Here we go." Mr. Chair said cheerily, pushing the door open to a rather plush looking bedroom.

The chamber wasn't all that large but not too small either. There was a crimson and gold pattern rug in the center of the floor, red curtains on the two small windows, and a red comforter on the bed to match. The room was decorated with a cherry-wood vanity, wardrobe, desk and chair, and two nighttables on either side of the bed.

"I hope this is okay... I just don't feel comfortable with you sleeping in the West. You're safer staying here, but you can sleep wherever you want I guess. I don't really know if it's to your liking, but-"

"It's totally fine, Mr. Chair. Thank you. I'll be fine." Alice laughed, placing a hand on Mr. Chair's shoulder.

"Are you sure, Alice? Is there anything I can get you? Anything you need?" He asked worriedly, making her laugh a bit.

"I'm fine! You're very thoughtful, Monsieur Chaise."

Mr. Chair gave Alice a quizzical look. "How did you know my name?"

"Chaise means chair in French. Wait, that's your first name?"

Mr. Chair let out a small cry of annoyance and disappointment. "Really? In French my name is Chair Chair? Why does that "i" have to be there!" He complained, burying his face into his hands.

"Wait, what?"

"The normal spelling is Chase; C-H-A-S-E, right? My name is Chaise; C-H-A-I-S-E. That stupid 'i' makes my name weird! I already knew that Chaise Alexander Chair was a silly name, but seriously?" He whined, facepalming.

"I don't think your name is silly! The 'i' makes it unique!" Alice said cheerfully. "And I like C-H-A-I-S-E better than C-H-A-S-E anyway. Chaise Alexander Chair is a wonderful name!" She reassured.

Mr. Chair smiled. "Thank you, Alice. I like your name too. Out of curiosity, might I know your entire name?"

"Alison Florence Pelletier."

"Lovely." Mr. Chair said with a smile. "Well, I best be going so you can get to bed."

"Thank you, Chaise." Alice smiled, giving him a quick hug before he was out the door.

Alice smiled as she closed the door behind the little brunet man. She shook her head slightly, giggling at his worrisome, yet endearing behavior. She found him to be a little quirky. The way he acted was so thoughtful and gentleman-like, and she immediately liked him.

With a sigh, Alice looked at herself in the mirror. She was still a bit damp, but not very. Diamonds don't soak, so it was mainly trapped in her long brown-crystal hair. Her crystal blue eyes looked tired, and she let out a long yawn to confirm it. Without a second thought, she stripped off her blue gown and crawled into the bed.

Sleeping after a time like that shouldn't have been hard, but it very well was. Despite not having a bed to sleep in in years, Alice found no comfort in the plush and warm bed. She stared at the pitch-black nothingness that blanketed the room, almost like she was too tired to sleep.

"This is ridiculous." She hissed to herself, tossing over and fluffing her pillow.

Her mind roamed freely, inevitably landing on what she thought of her new "companions".  
Mr. Chair: Sweet, thoughtful, gentlemanly, a bit cowardly, and likeable.  
Pewdie: Loud, happy, funny, hyper, and a really nice guy.  
Piggeh: Flirtatious, crazy, a tad-creepy, but also likeable.  
Cry: mysterious, but again, likeable.  
Stephano: Foul mouthed, bossy, rude, grumpy, and controlling. Not very likeable.

She missed Sven, despite not being gone for very long. Sven was like her father. The raven-bearded Viking was still her favorite person, even if she had met some new friends. She sighed softly, mulling over trivial things like the possibly purposes of Cry's mask or possible reasons why Piggeh's hair is a bright shade of candy pink. Her random thoughts were interrupted by something coming from the flipped around to face the door, eyes wide as she listened. She jumped up and scurried to the door, pressing her ear against the cold wood of the door. Someone was singing...

"Des le premier jour  
Ton parfum enivre mon amour  
Et dans ces instants  
J'aimerais etre comme toi par moment  
Mais depuis ce jour  
Je n'ai qu'un seul et unique regret"

She opened the door just a crack and peeked out, gasping in surprise once she realized who it was. A tall golden man walked down the corridor, quietly singing as he passed through. Alice stood listening for a moment, amazed at the sound that came off of his metallic vocal chords. Just as he was about to pass, Alice failed to stifle a sneeze.

Stephano spun around on his heel and grabbed his sword, eyes wide. He relaxed his fighting stance once he spotted the figure in the doorway, the girl blushing as she avoided his gaze.

"Alice?" He muttered, raising an eyebrow.

"I liked your singing." She murmured softly, still looking down.

"What? Are you frikin' crazy? I wasn't sing- What in hell am I doing?" He huffed, slowly walking towards her.

He was flushed a shade of copper and his shoulders slumped. He looked away immediately, blushing madly when he noticed her clothing- or lack thereof.

"Jesus Christ, Alice! What the fuck? Where is your dress?" He sputtered, refusing to look her way.

"I took it off. It was wet and uncomfortable, so I decided to sleep in my underclothing." She said calmly, looking down at her white camisole and panties.

"Here, cover yourself." He mumbled, slipping off his golden cloak and handing it to her.

She slipped the cloak on and laughed as Stephano stared at his feet.

"I'm decent." She laughed.

He looked up, still slightly copper in the cheeks. "What are you doing up?" He asked, straitening his undershirt.

"I should ask the same from you."

"I decided I should go for a walk."

"At 3 AM?" Alice asked, coming out into the hallway and shutting the door, leaning against it with her arms crossed.

"It's actually only 1..." He muttered.

"And in the East?"

"Look, forget it. Did I wake you?"

Alice shook her head, tossing her long brunette hair.

"Then would you care to join me?" He asked timidly.

Alice stared at him silently for a moment. There was no pushy over confidence or random hostility about this Stephano, which made her doubt slightly that this was not a timid doppelganger of some sort.

"Sure, why not?" She said, watching as his golden eyes studied his feet as if they were the most fascinating thing he had ever laid eyes upon.

They walked silently in the corridor, frequently casting glances to the other that they hoped the other wouldn't notice. Wandering aimlessly through the halls without an argument or foul language being hurled between them was strange, really. Eventually they wandered through one of the hallways that split off of the corridor, ending up in a vast library lined with shelves of ages-old books.

"So, why are you awake at this hour?" Stephano asked, sitting down in a plush green loveseat.

Alice sat down beside him, neatly folding her legs to her side. "Insomniac." She sighed.

Stephano nodded. "Common among statues it must be then." He said, blinking at how he worded that.

"So, why aren't you hating me?" Alice asked, unable to come up with a reason that seemed plausible.

"Maybe I was quick to be a jerk..." He mumbled.

Alice laughed. Stephano shot her an evil look.

"You were kind of bitchy too!" He said in his defense.

"After you went cunt-mode on me!" Alice shot back.

Stephano tried to keep a poker face, but failed. He chuckled, shaking his head.

"I suppose you're right. I was very quick to be a bastard, and I apologize."

"I apologize for being bitchy and falling on you." Alice laughed. "Twice."

"Apology accepted. Now then, shall we bury the hatchet?"

"We shall. Maybe we could try meeting again?" Alice agreed, holding out her hand for Stephano to shake.

Stephano took her hand and kissed it instead, greeting her in a very old-fashoined way.

"Stephano Alois Chevalier." He stated, smiling faintly. "Enchantée."

Alice blushed a bit and smiled. "Alison Florence Pelletier. Enchantée."

"Ah, a noble blossoming flower." He stated softly, still holding her small hand.

"Eh, I'm sorry?"

"Your name. Alison means 'noble' and Florence means 'blossoming', correct?"

"It does?"

He nodded.

"What does your name mean, Stephano?"

"A victorious, legendary warrior." He said proudly, grinning.

"Stephano means 'victorious'?"

"Oui."

"Oh, I like that." Alice smiled. "And your singing voice is very nice as well."

"Again with my voice?" Stephano groaned, letting his head fall against the wooden frame of the loveseat,

"It's beautiful! I didn't suspect such a smooth, gentle voice to come from someone as..."

"Gruff? Surly? Sullen? Morose?" He guessed, grinning slightly.

"Uhm... Yes?"

"Les choses ne sont pas toujours ce qu'elles semblent etre."

"I suppose not. You aren't really what you appeared to be..."

"Look at that. I'm full of surprises." He said, smirking.

Alice smiled, lightly leaning against him without realizing it. Stephano noticed, but didn't mind. He smiled, looking down at her. His cloak was much too large, showing off just how petite she was. The sleeve had slid down, exposing her shoulder and part of her chest. He raked his golden eyes over her slender figure, then mentally kicked himself for being such a pervert. She was trying to keep her eyes open, willing herself to stay awake.

"So where did you learn to wield a sword?" Alice yawned, trying to keep awake.

Stephano chuckled softly. "Mon pere. Where did you learn to use your weapons?"

"I learned from my father too. You should have seen his face when his three year old wanted a coustille more than a pony." She giggled. "He taught me to use a whip when I was 13."

"And you were brought here by force, so you brought nothing with you. Where did you get them?"

"Sven."

"Ah. I see. That reminds me... You need clothing. We should ask Pewds if Marzia can possibly get you some."

"Marzia?" Alice asked.

"Felix's lady." Stephano smiled.

Alice yawned. "Oh."

Her eyes began to close, her fight to stay awake becoming an uphill battle. She leaned on Stephano, her head on his shoulder.

"Stephano?"

"Hm?"

"You should sing for me." Alice said, smiling sleepily.

Stephano smiled back, shaking his head. They sat in comfortable silence as she finally stopped fighting. Her eyes closed for the last time and she was asleep. Stephano rested his arm around her shoulder, finding himself about to nod off. He silently told himself to get up and carry her to her room.

He stood and scooped her up, walking back down the corridor. He walked back down the way they came, careful not to wake the sleeping statue in his arms. He opened her door and placed her on the bed, pulling her sheets up over her.

"Dors bien, mon amie." He whispered, closing the door and walking back to his room.

_**A/N**_

Please don't hit me. I know this chapter was kind of long and it lacked action or whatever, but this had to happen. You can't randomly throw monsters into the mix every chance you get, so I took this chapter to settle things... So I'd like to point some things out.

~Cry's mask reminds me of The Happy Mask Shop

~I wish I had a 'Sup Guy

~Does anyone else remember the Billy Mays TNG? I do! :)

~I translated some of the French in (parentheses) because there was a lot.

~Chaise **is** an alternate spelling of Chase to make the chair pun... Seriously.

~The song Stephano was singing was "Nearly Witches" by Panic At The Disco (Song rights to them! I don't own PATD! Duh...)

~Stephano and Alice's name meanings are true. Stephano is a Greek name meaning "victory", dontcha know?

~Anything I missed? Ask and I'll tell.

Translations:

(F) merde- shit

(S) Javla fan- Fucking Hell

(F)Des le premier jour  
Ton parfum enivre mon amour  
Et dans ces instants  
J'aimerais etre comme toi par moment  
Mais depuis ce jour  
Je n'ai qu'un seul et unique regret-

Since the first day

Your perfume intoxicated my love

And during these instants

I would love to be like you at moments

But since this day

I have one and only regret

Les choses ne sont pas toujours ce qu'elles semblent etre- Things are not always as they seem.

Dors bien, mon amie.- Sleep well, my friend.


	5. A Friendly Bet

"Morning, Mr. Chair!"

"Oh! Good morning, Alice! Did you sleep well?"

"Oui. Tres bien. Et toi?" She replied.

Mr. Chair narrowed his eyes. "Good?" He guessed.

She nodded. "Whatcha reading?"

Mr. Chair raised the old book up so that she could see. "The 1886 version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." He set it down on the coffee table. "You reminded me of it." He added with a sheepish grin.

"Oh." She giggled.

"What brought you to the library?"

"Uh, I guess I just wanted to have a look around. I was here last night." She said, sitting down on the couch next to him.

"You were here last night? How come?" He asked, folding his legs and turning to face her.

"I went on a walk." She answered simply.

"Alice, I realize we are in the safest part of the castle, but that's still pretty risky so late at night." He informed her, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I wasn't alone though. I went walking with Stephano." She replied, crossing her legs as he did.

Mr. Chair's mossy eyes opened wide in confusion. "You went walking with him? Is it just me, or is pretty much everything about that wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Let me just name a few reasons. Number one, it was really late. Number two, he lives on the opposite wing. Number three, you two despise each other."

Alice shrugged. "I guess you're right. We were just both unable to sleep, I suppose. I don't really know why he was in this wing, but we made up. We're friends now." She said, leaning forward to grab an old book off the table.

She shuffled through the small stacks of old books. Mr. Chair was silent, trying to think of what to say next. Alice giggled when she realized what the stack was mostly compiled of. They were all romances with a few adventure and mystery books mixed in here and there. Alice sat up, looking at a slightly dazed Mr. Chair.

"Chaise, you're a hopeless romantic!" She giggled, playfully punching in the arm.

Mr. Chair's porcelain cheeks flushed pink. "Uhm, what?"

"I bet you're into someone..." She purred.

"Ehehe... No, I just decided to read a few-"

"Don't lie!"

Mr. Chair sighed. "Maybe." He murmured, picking his book back up.

"Aw! That's so sweet! Who?"

"Please." He huffed, putting his head down as he flushed in embarrassment.

"Oh come on! I don't even know any other girls in the castle yet!"

Mr. Chair groaned, covering his eyes with a hand. "No, no..."

Alice realized that she was making the shy man uncomfortable. He was looking down, tapping the pads of his index fingers together.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have pried." She apologized, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright!" He sighed. "It really shouldn't bother me as much as it does."

"Having your personal affairs pried into bothers a lot of people..."

"No, no, no. That isn't what I meant. But, forget it."

"Oh, okay." Alice sighed.

"Now, I'm curious. Do you... rather did you have a romantic interest? Y'know, before?"

"Now who's prying?"

"Eye for an eye." Mr. Chair giggled, crossing his arms.

"Okay, maybe..."

"C'mon, Alice!" He laughed.

"'Maybe' is all you gave me!" Alice retorted.

"Okay. Fair is fair." Mr. Chair sighed, smiling sweetly.

The door creaked, the two sitting on the couch turning just as a certain pig crept in. He changed back into his human form, crossing his arms in annoyance as they rolled their eyes.

"How am I supposed to pump-jump you guys if I can't sneak attack you?" He huffed, making sense to only himself.

Mr. Chair facepalmed, turning back to Alice.

"Do you see what I have to deal with?"

Alice laughed, shaking her head. Piggeh swaggered over to the sofa and jumped over the back, roughly landing in between the two already sitting there. Mr. Chair growled in annoyance, picking his book back up as if he were going to swat Piggeh with it.

"You know you love it." Piggeh purred, reaching his arms around their backs and pulling them close to his flank.

"No, I do not!" Mr. Chair hissed defiantly. "Let us go!"

"Uh, no." Piggeh chuckled, nudging the brunet's cheek with his own.

Alice rolled her eyes, trying to squirm out of Piggeh's grasp. She shrunk down to her statue size, falling down onto the seat cushion. Piggeh looked down at her, releasing Mr. Chair so he could scoop her up in his hands.

"You're so cute!" Piggeh purred, holding her up with his hands cupped.

Alice sat down, sighing in annoyance. "I'm not cute!" She hissed, slamming her closed fist into his open palm.

"Yeh, you kinda are! You're like, four inches tall!" Piggeh repied, chuckling softly.

"I'm four and a half inches tall, thank you!" She retorted, jumping down from his palm onto the seat cushion.

She slipped from the cushion and fell to the floor, slamming her head on the leg of the coffee table. Mr. Chair kneeled down on the floor, gently picking her up and sitting her back down on the couch.

"Are you alright, Alice?" He asked worriedly, casting a death glare towards Piggeh.

"I'm fine... That wasn't the brightest move on my part." She assured, cradling her head in her hands.

"Yep. That wasn't smart, cutie." Piggeh chuckled, earning another death glare.

"I said I'm not cute!" She groaned, growing back to her actual size.

"Aren't girls supposed to like it when guys think they're cute?" Piggeh asked, stretching out his legs on the coffee table.

"Shut up." She growled, crossing her arms across her chest.

"C'mon. You know I give you ladyboners." Piggeh purred, leaning on her and winking.

"Ta gueule! Truie!" She hissed, kicking him in the shin before storming off.

"Alice! Where are you going?" Mr. Chair asked, standing up to follow her.

"To my room." She said simply, slamming the door.

Mr. Chair sat back down, crossing one leg over the other.

"Yep. Perfect." Piggeh chuckled, messing with his hair.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Chair asked, tilting his head to the side.

"They're like a perfect match." Piggeh said, looking over at the little brunet.

"Who?"

"Mr. Chair, don't be so stupid." Piggeh chuckled, slightly offending Mr. Chair. "I mean Stephano and Alice."

"Like.. Together?"

"Yes, together! I mean, look. They're both statues, they both like knives, they're French, they have REALLY short tempers, they swear like sailors, and they both say 'this' like 'zis' and 'that' like 'zat'." He said, counting the few similarities on his fingers.

"That's ridiculous." Mr. Chair laughed softly, shaking his head as he finally re-opened his book.

"Nuh-uh. I know this stuff." Piggeh argued, resting his chin on Mr. Chair's shoulder.

"Get off of me. You're being silly."

"Naw, Imma snake." Piggeh purred, sliding himself into Mr. Chair's lap. "Piggeh slide."

"Percy, stop it! You're being irrational." Mr. Chair huffed.

"Fine." He sighed, resting his forehead in the crook of Mr. Chair's neck. "But when I'm right, you're gonna be the silly one."

"It's not gonna happen. You're reasoning barely makes sense. Actually, none of those reasons make sense."

"Then a bet?" Piggeh asked.

"No."

"If you win, I'll leave you alone for a month."

"Okay, it's a bet." Mr. Chair said immediately, absolutely sure in his assumption.

"Don't you wanna know what happens if I win?" Piggeh asked in disbelief, surprised that the green eyes man had agreed so easily.

"Don't care." Mr. Chair said, trying to get back into his book.

Piggeh grinned evilly, nodding slightly. He offered his hand for Mr. Chair to shake, sealing the deal.

_**A/N**_

Hi bros! Okay, I feel really behind on my updates, so please forgive me. If you follow my other story Suspicious, _**I'M SUPER SORRY!**_ I'm pretty depressed right now and have been for a little while, so please bear with me here. I _**AM**_** NOT** abandoning it, so please don't hate me.I'm just in a really tough place with it right now and I'm trying to revise it to make the next few chapters better.

FTCC is much easier to do since Alice is my baby and Thomas (from Suspicious) isn't really as easy to work with. :( Expect to see more of this story in the near future! I'm posting more soon, 'cause my ideas for the plot are flowin'! YAY!

(Sorry for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about).

I don't think I did much French, so... I know that Alice told Piggeh to shut up and then called him a slut. _**THERE YOU GO!**_

_**BYE FOR NOW!**_~Pocky


	6. Calling Doctor Jones

Stephano sat on the edge of his bed, roughly dragging a flat stone against the blade of his golden sword. He shook his head, muttering to himself under his breath.

"Merde." He huffed, baseball pitching the stone at his wall.

The stone knocked down a painting on the wall with a crash, the door swinging open at the same time. Stephano glanced at the painting and then to the door, grabbing the handle of his sword.

"Uh, Stephano?" Pewdie asked, peeking into the chamber.

"Pewdie! Where have you been? I'm not gonna bitch at you 'cause you actually weren't gone that long."

"I've been out with Marzia." Pewdie said with a small smile.

Stephano chuckled softly. "I'm proud of you, Pewds. Marzia is something special."

"Thanks, Stephano! Maybe I'll get to be proud of you for your girlfriend one day." Pewdie laughed. "Or boyfriend... I'm not- I don't- uh?"

"I don't swing that way." Stephano growled, jumping up from the bed.

"Right. Sorry, Stephano."

"You ready?"

"Can I carry you?" Pewdie asked, tilting his head to the side.

Stephano nodded and grabbed his gold block, shrinking down and kneeling on it. "Lesgo."

"Are we gonna go find the other bros or just go on without them?" Pewds asked, pulling out his lantern as he walked down the dark corridor.

Stephano shook his head, sitting down cross-legged. "Let's just go. If they see us on the way, they can join."

"Alright!" Pewdie agreed, walking aimlessly around. "We should sing something, Stephano." He said, holding the small statue out in front of him.

"What? No!" Stephano hissed, crossing his arms.

"C'mon, Stephano! Remember how we used to sing Adele songs to each other? And how you used to sing me lullabies?"

"No. I don't remember that. That's gay." Stephano huffed. "Not that I'm against being gay, but yeah."

"It's totally NOT gay, but fine. I'll just sing for you." Pewdie laughed, clearing his throat.

"Pewdie, please. How about we just-"

"Sometimes, the feeling is right  
You fall in love for the first time  
Heartbeat, and kisses so sweet  
Summertime love in the moonlight"

"Pew-"

"Ai-biyi-yi-yu  
A-bi-yi-yeah  
Ah-biyi-yi-yu-ah"

"Pewdie!"

"Stephano, stop interrupting me!" Pewdie whined.

"PEWDIE! RUN YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!" Stephano shouted, standing up and pointing at something with the tip of his sword.

Pewdie turned to look over his shoulder, noticing that a The Bro was charging at him.

"Oh javla fan! Fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Pewdie screamed, taking off down the corridor.

Stephano and Pewdie were shouting at the tops of their lungs at each other, both unable to understand what they were saying. Pewdie's legs were moving as fast as they would allow. The Bro was hot on his heels, groaning and roaring.

"This way, Pewdie!" Stephano yelled, pointing towards a door near the end of the hallway.

Pewdie darted in, slamming the door shut and hiding behind one of the many bookshelves in the library. He was trembling with Stephano still in his hand, albeit the statue was being death-gripped in the gamer's fist.

"Pew-die! M-my intern-internal org-ans are dy-ing!" He gasped, trying to pry the Swede's hand open.

Pewdie loosened his grip. "Sorry, Stephano. That just scared my dick off. Are you okay?"

"Don't be such a pussy, Pewdie." Stephano sighed.

"Let me calm down." Pewdie sighed, leaning against the shelf and taking a deep breath. "You think he's gone?"

Stephano nodded. "He's got such a short attention span, I think he'll be gone."

"Like, 2 fucking minutes into a new custom story and I get attacked." Pewdie complained, standing back up.

"Stop complaining." Stephano laughed.

Pewdie opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. The Bro was gone just as abruptly as he had appeared. Pewdie was still shaking a bit.

"Alright, I think I've gotta find a key... I need to get into the boiler room."

Stephano pointed in the direction of the boiler room. Pewdie headed that way. Pewdie messed with his hair, brushing it back behind his headphones.

"Stephano?"

"Oui?" The Frenchman yawned, turning his head to face his companion.

"Thinking back on earlier... Do you think anyone around here is like... good looking? Well, besides me."

"Not gay."

"I was just kidding! But seriously."

Stephano puffed out his cheeks, blowing out a puff of air. "Nope. Can't say I do."

"Aw. Really?"

"Oui."

"Are you sure?" Pewdie asked with a childish smile, noticing the copper tint on the small statue's cheeks.

"Drop it, Pewdie. I will chop your balls off." Stephano threatened, facing forward.

Pewdie was about to say something else to irritate the golden man, but stopped when he noticed the control panel in front of a large door.

"God damn it, we're gonna have to do a puzzle aren't we? I hate puzzles."

"Don't worry, Pewdie. You have me."

Pewdie grumbled as he walked away, trying a couple of the doors before finding one that didn't require a key. He stepped inside the dusty old study and looked around, finding the first piece of the panel. He picked up the green segment of pipe.

"That was easy."

"Yes, but there are at least three left."

Pewdie groaned.

"Chop chop." Stephano said, tapping the flat of his sword on his palm.

Pewdie ran up and down the halls looking for the other pipes. The red one was under a couch cushion, the blue one was under a floor board, and the yellow on top of a shelf.

"Found em!" Pewdie yelled, jumping up and down in front of the panel.

"Now place them." Stephano said, head spinning from all the movement.

Pewdie tried to shove them in place, only getting frustrated when they wouldn't hold and popped back out. "Stephanoooo! Fix it!" He whined.

Stephano jumped from Pewdie's hand to the panel. "You need a code."

"Code? They're pipes!"

Stephano pointed to a slip of paper stuck to the wall with an unknown brown paste. Pewdie stepped forward, trying to read it.

"Tighten the pipes in with the increments of pressure below.

Red- Number of doors in this hall  
Blue- Number of paintings in this room  
Green- Number of floor tiles in this room that are cracked  
Yellow- Number of Teleporting Naked Guys that have attacked you so far  
-Dr Jones"

"Okay, there are four paintings in this room and I havem't seen any TNG yet, so we're halfway there." Pewdie said, looking back to Stephano. "Let's go count the tiles!"

Pewdie counted all of the floor tiles with cracks in them, coming up with 5.

"You missed that one." Stephano said, pointing downwards.

"That's not a crack. That's a scuff." Pewdie said, counting all of the doors before walking to the panel again.

"Red-12  
Blue-4  
Green-5  
Yellow-0" Pewdie said, tightening them up before the green and yellow popped out again.

"Told you." Stephano said, fixing the pressure to 6.

"But what about the-"

They came down before Pewdie could even finish. Teleporting naked guys basically fall-raped them from the ceiling, scarring them both a bit mentally.

"Fuck!" Stephano yelled, trying to get out from under the decaying leg of one of the lanky men. "Pewdie! For God's sake, get me the hell out!"

Pewdie grabbed Stephano, counting the men and looking back to the note.

"Doctor Jones! Jones! Calling Doctor Jones!"

"Stop this idiocy at once." Stephano growled.

"Just sing it with me!"

"Non."

"Do it or I'm shoving you under the pile of TNGs." Pewdie threatened.

Stephano groaned.

"Doctor Jones! Jones! Calling Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones, get up now! Doctor Jones! Jones! Calling Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones, wake up now!" They both sang, Stephano messaging his temples in annoyance.

Pewdie fixed the last pressure setting, the door unlocking with a loud click. "Well, Stephano... You know what this means."

"Oui. I shall see you soon, mon amie." Stephano agreed.

"Alright. One, two, three!" He shouted, tossing Stephano through the air and trying (failing) to close the door before he hit the ground.

"God damn. Next time." He heard Pewdie laugh as he continued on his quest.

Stephano grabbed ahold of his head as he grew to his human size. He put the gold block in his pocket, still looking down. He walked slowly, shaking his head. He rounded the corner, barely comprehending what was happening when he slammed strait into something.

"Ow! Okay, that's a door."

He took a look through the door, remembering that it was the one that led to the courtyard. The rain was pouring down heavily, making it a bit hard to see. The door was open for a reason, so he supposed that someone was out there. He scanned the courtyard, tilting his head to the side when he saw the petite figure in her usual blue dress.

_**A/N**_

Hi! I decided to update two chapters in one day because I still feel bad. :( So, here you go! They were singing _Doctor_ Jones by Aqua like Pewdie used to do sometimes. :) Links here! watch?v=axN-jVTf0l0 watch?v=qzwB-T-Z6NY

Okay... Did I forget something? Just pm me or something if you have a question! Bye for now!

~Pocky


	7. A Proposition

"Good evening, dearest Allison." Someone purred behind Alice, causing her to jump from her daydream.

She drew the dagger from her boot, turning around to meet her reflection in a pair of shiny black aviators. The man was a bit short and clad in a light blue shirt with a brown military-style jacket. He wore a faded pair of baggy jeans and dark brown trainers that made him appear just a bit taller. He shook his shaggy light brown hair, smirking slyly.

"How do you know my name?" She growled.

"I'm sorry, have I offended you? I haven't even introduced myself yet! My name is Bernard, but you may call me Barry, dear." He said, picking up her hand and kissing it, just as Stephano had. Barry kissed up her arm, stopping when Alice held up her coustille.

"Put away the knife, Allison. I'm not here to harm you."

"Bullshit! You're the creep who locked Sven and me away! Touch me again and you lose a hand!"

"Fiesty! I like that in a woman. Nevertheless, you're wrong. I'm willing to bet that you've been tricked into thinking that I'm the enemy, haven't you?" He said with a small chuckle. "I've done nothing to you. I just wish to offer you some help."

"Help? I don't need your help."

"We can help each other, doll! I'm just trying to restore order to my home. The Bros and the Barrels have been at war for far too long." He laughed, grabbing her hands in his.

"What do you need from me?" She hissed. "And don't call me doll!"

"I just need you to get me some information on that Pewdiepie fellow and his little 'bros'. I need to know how to win against them so that the castle can be at peace; restored to her former glory. In return, I can give you your life back."

"What?" She asked, her mind in a daze.

"You, my dear, were very wrongly abducted and mutated; cursed."

"Mutated?" She repeated, looking down at herself.

"Yes, Allison. You can't be happy with all this, right?" He asked, gesturing up and down at her.

She looked at herself, seeing nothing different about her but the fact that she was crystalized.

"Well..."

"And I can get you back home! You'll be back to normal and good as new! No more of this run-down old castle and no more curse! Heck, I'll even help out your big Viking friend!" He laughed, patting her on the shoulder.

"Y'mean you can make Sven and me normal again?"

"That and get you back to your life." He said with a smile. "Whattya say? Will you help me make things right in the castle again?"

"Can I think about it?" She asked, feeling that his intentions were quite possibly less than desirable for her friends.

"Take your time. When you make your decision, come tell me in the South Wing. I live on the very end of the corridor at the top of the grand staircase. Got it?"

Alice nodded, feeling something wet and cold drip on her nose.

"Smart girl. I should be going now. Same goes for you, dollface. The rain's about to start." He said with a smirk, messing with those aviator shades. "I'll see you around."

Alice blinked and he was gone. She shook her head, trying to figure out what just happened. This Bernard guy seemed sketchy to her, especially since he was interested in information on Pewdie. What kind of information did he want? Were Pewdie and his friends bad? They seemed so nice! And Sven seemed to trust them... Had they tricked Sven like Bernard said they had done to her? Bernard wanted to help Sven as well...

The rain fell as her head spun. She wasn't even sure what she felt about all of it. She felt dizzy. The rain began pouring but she couldn't find a reason to care. She was just confused. The dizziness spiraled and she fell to the ground.

"Alice? Alice, why in the world are you out here?" A soft voice asked, drawing her attention.

"Stephano?" She squeaked, noticing him kneeling down beside her.

"Alice, why are you lying on the ground? If you haven't noticed, it's pouring. You're gonna get sick!" He said softly, trying to help her to her feet.

She was still so dizzy and just fell back again, blinking to get the rain out of her eyes. He shook his head, scooping the little statue-girl up in his arms. She clung to him, her head still spinning so fast that she could hardly think.

"It's freezing! And now you're soaked." He sighed, carrying her inside.

She pressed her cheek against his chest, sniffling softly. Her head was pounding. He walked her to her room, opening the door and gently setting her down on the bed.

"If we don't find you something to dry off with and something to change into, you'll catch a cold." He muttered, looking around for anything he could use.

He walked over to the wardrobe and opened it, finding only men's clothing. He shook his head, taking out a plain white button down that looked big enough to swallow her whole and a pair of black slacks he doubted were small enough to fit her properly. He went to the dresser and searched through the drawers, deciding on a large rectangle of leftover felt curtain-fabric for drying herself.

"Here, try these." Stephano mumbled, handing her the clothes and fabric.

He turned around, waiting for her to change out of her soaked dress and into the makeshift tapped him on the shoulder when she had finished, smiling her thanks. He chuckled when he saw how she had wrapped her hair into a turban thing with the fabric to keep it from soaking the back of her shirt. He took off his head dress and used it to dab the dripping water off of her face, then cast it to the floor and sat on the bed next to her.

"Merci, Stephano." She muttered softly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

He felt himself blushing, wrapping his own arms around her slender waist.

"It's no big deal." He said back, smiling even though she couldn't see his face.

"But you carried me! I'm really heavy." She giggled, still holding on to him.

He scoffed. "Shut your mouth, Alice. You're very light."

"Or maybe you're just very strong." She retorted. "And very sweet."

He blushed even more at that. She let go of him, looking at him and laughing when she noticed the copper color of his cheekbones. He looked down, smiling sheepishly.

"Stephano! You're blushing!" She pointed out, taking her hair down from its wrap.

He rolled his eyes, at loss for words.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" She asked, tilting his head up with the tips of her fingers.

He narrowed his eyes, trying to think of the right words to say. Or anything to say, for that matter. He shook his head, running his fingers through his golden hair.

"Non... Shut up!" He sighed. Nailed it.

She smiled, giggling softly at how he avoided her gaze. She leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. His eyes widened and he turned to look at her in surprise. Her cheeks were a tad bit pink and she was smiling sweetly. She just sat there, waiting to see what he would do next.

"You're adorable." She purred, folding her hands in her lap.

"I'm not adorable!" Stephano huffed, crossing his arms. "I'm manly as hell."

"And cute too." She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him in another hug. "Thank you again."

He wrapped his arms around her again, gently rubbing her back with his fingertips.

"You're welcome."

"Good night, Stephano."

"Good night, Alice."

Stephano pulled away from her and stepped down, grabbing his headdress and heading towards the door. He waved goodnight, closing the door behind him as he left. She waved her hand sleepily even though he had already gone. Stephano smiled to himself as he walked, shaking his head slightly.

Alice smiled, snuggling under the covers on her bed. Shuffling around in the oversized clothing, finally deciding to just leave the pants off. She laid her head on the pillow, trying not to think too much about Barry's proposition. She knew that something was up, but she just wasn't sure what that was yet.

_**A/N**_

7th chapter! WOOHOO! Not that big of an accomplishment, but hey. You gotta cherish the small things! :3 Kind of a short_er_ chapter, and you bros know that short chapters aren't something that I like to post... Alas, I must sometimes. For those of you who didn't catch it, Bernard/Barry is THE BARREL! I'm assuming that all of you understood that, but just to be sure... And I followed that little important bit up with more relationship fluffity fluff. ('Cause I'm a sap for that crap.)

Leave a review maybe? :3 I like ideas/comments/feedback/criticism and whatnot.

PM me if you have any questions about this story or any of my others! I'll be glad to clear up anything that I stupidly forgot. ('Cause I forget A LOT sometimes...)

Bye for now! ~Pocky


	8. Piggeh Plays Matchmaker

The sun shined brightly through the large stained-glass windows. Alice hummed cheerily as she rested on her stomach and marked on the paper, the colorful rays reflecting off of her in a way that she found amusing. She had been looking for a pair of pants to fit her when she stumbled upon a nice old calligraphy set. The morning had been rather quiet and she decided to find a nice place to sketch.

"Yo? Anyhoe in here?" Someone called out rather loudly, drawing her attention.

Alice whipped around, her hair whipping in her face. She brushed the dark brown hair out of her eyes, rolling over on her side when a pair of magenta eyes came too close to her crystal blue ones. She relaxed when she realized who it was, putting down her pen into its wooden box.

"Salut, Piggeh." She said with a smile, pushing the paper she had been sketching on under the wooden calligraphy set.

"'Sup, hoe?" Piggeh asked with a smirk, laying down on his belly.

Alice growled softly at that, narrowing her eyes before just deciding to let it go. "Just hanging around..." She sighed apathetically.

Piggeh looked over at the calligraphy set, fingering the different pen nibs and jars of colored ink. He looked back at her, registering the fact that she had stopped what she was doing and put away the paper when he showed up. Biting the inside corner of his lip, he reached for the paper.

"What are you doing?" She asked hurriedly, grabbing his hand.

"Looking. I wanna see." He replied, grabbing the paper with his other hand.

He held her back with one hand so she couldn't grab it back, not yet looking at the sketch. She pushed forward, bending his arm in a way that made him wince in pain. "Why so nervous? Drawing something dirty? Like... are you drawing werewolf porn or something?"

Alice gave him a look of disgust. "No! The hell is wrong with you?"

Ignoring her comment, he took a look at the yellowed-from-age sheet of sketchbook paper. In neat strokes of black ink she had drawn the silhouettes of two figures. They were dancing. The shorter of the figures was in the taller one's arms, hers wrapped around his shoulders as he leaned her backwards, her long hair barely brushing the ground. The figure of the man had one arm around her back, the other one behind her shoulders. Piggeh put the paper down, smirking deviously.

"Alice, Alice, Alice! This is the stuff I love to see!"

"Sketches of silhouettes?" She asked skeptically, snatching it back.

He shook his head, grabbing some of the used sheets of paper from her box. Shuffling through them all, he grabbed a few select drawings and fanned them out on the floor in front of her. She looked them over and then back to him, shrugging cluelessly.

"You like drawings of people dancing?"

"No, stupid! I'm talking about this!" He said, circling the figures with his fingertip. "These drawings all have the same thing in 'em!"

"What are you talking about? They're all dancing shadows!" She hissed exasperatedly.

Piggeh facepalmed, shaking his head slightly. He sighed, looking up at her like she had just said the dumbest thing he had ever heard.

"All this lovey-dovey shit! That's what I want to see!" He sighed.

"Lovey-dovey shit? What the fuck do you mean?" She huffed, sitting up and kneeling on her knees.

"I mean the kind of shit girls draw whenever they have a crush on a guy or something!" Piggeh replied, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"First of all, I'm not a girl in middle school. Second, I always draw things like this. Lastly, I don't have a 'crush' on anyone. So... Va te faire foutre avec une carotte." She said, grabbing a new sheet of paper and a pen.

"I know you just told me to do something vulgar with a carrot... Even though I don't know what it is, I'm just gonna say no." He laughed. "But whatever. I'm just saying... that guy you like just might like you back."

"Va mourir." She huffed, roughly sketching the outline of a bird.

"What does that mean?"

"It means "thanks"." She lied.

"You're welcome, Alice." He said happily.

Piggeh grabbed a pen from the box without her noticing, pushing his shirt sleeve up a bit. She looked downwards, adding finer lines to her rough little dove. He thought for a moment for how to ask, coming out with no less suspicious way than to be strait forward about it.

"What's your favorite flower?"

"Rose. I like the red ones best, but all of them are beautiful." She replied, still looking down.

"What's your favorite color?"

"A deep purple... I think. Like a cross between grape and plum, but with a tiny bit more blue in it."

"Kay... Birthday?" He asked, tapping the pen against his tongue.

She looked up, suddenly suspicious. "Why are you asking me all of these questions all of the sudden? You're being really sketch." She said, eyes narrowed.

He chuckled softly, brushing a long tendril of dark brown hair away from her face. "Don't you think that everything I do is sketch?"

She stared at him for a moment before looking back down. "Yeah. You're right. I was born on Leap Day; February 29th."

Piggeh smiled, scribbling that down on his bicep. "And what's your favorite song?"

Alice shrugged. "Don't really have one. I like Green Day, The Rolling Stones, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Radiohead, Deadmau5, Avenged Sevenfold, Sleeping With Sirens, Panic At The Disco, Ed Sheeran, and a bunch of other random bands." She said, a little too fast for Piggeh to write down all of them. He picked out a few of the bands and wrote them down, smiling at her assorted taste in music.

"Nice. Uh... Favorite season?"

"Fall. The weather is nicer, the air is cool and crisp, the trees are beautiful, and everything is so nice and peaceful." Alice cooed, sketching a couple of stray leaves on the side of the paper.

"Do you like surprises?"

"Oui, being surprised can be nice." She said with a small smile.

"I'm out of questions to ask..." He mumbled, looking over the pen-marks on his arm. He pulled his sleeve down so that she wouldn't see that he had been writing that down and dropped the pen back into its case. "Kay, thanks. Bye!" He laughed, turning into his pig form and trotting away.

Alice looked up just in time to see a pig's butt get hit with the door on his way out. She heard him squeal in surprise, laughing softly at him as he left. Shaking her head, she decided that Piggeh was just being Piggeh; weird as hell.

Her pen scratching against the paper was the only noise in the room other than he quiet breathing. She stared down at the dove she had been drawing, only to abandon it and look back upon the pictures that she had drawn previously. Seeing them herself as the shadows of people dancing, she tried to see it as Piggeh did.

They did look pretty 'lovey-dovey' like he said when she thought about it...

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Piggeh stood rigid with the tip of a sword pressed to his Adam's apple. He tried not to swallow, knowing very well that a nicely-sized slice in his jugular would be the result. Stephano's arm relaxed, dropping the sword to his side. The statue sighed in relief, sitting up in bed for a brief moment.

"Piggeh? Don't sneak up on me like that! It's 9 fucking 30 a.m. Why the fuck are you waking me up?" He asked irritably, shoving his face into his pillow. "Leh me fhking slp." Stephano growled, the plush pillow muffling his words.

"Get yo lazy statue ass out of bed and wake up!" Piggeh said, pulling the pillow away from the golden man.

Stephano rolled over, his hair sticking up in all directions. He narrowed his golden eyes, sitting up again so that his bare back was pressed against the wooden headboard. With a sigh of defeat, he nodded, rubbing his eyes.

"The fuck do you want, swine?"

"Friends do each other favors sometimes, right?" Piggeh said, crawling up and dropping himself on Stephano's thigh.

Stephano shoved him off, pulling his leg away. "Cut the shit and tell me what you want, you perverted little bitch." He laughed, smiling faintly. He dropped the smile after a moment. "Unless it's THAT kind of favor." He growled, snarling a bit.

Piggeh chuckled manically, shaking his head. "No, Stephano! Get your head out of the gutter, closet perv. I wanna do a favor for you."

"I don't need any favors." He said bitterly.

"Yes, my friend, you do. I've got something for you." Piggeh returned with a smirk, pushing up his sleeve and exposing the ink on his left arm.

Stephano furrowed his eyebrows, leaning forward to try and read the smudged penwork. "What is this?"

"Just a few things you can use to get Alice to be yours." Piggeh said proudly.

"Va mourir." Stephano said dully, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No problem!" Piggeh laughed, patting Stephano on the back.

"What?" Stephano asked, raising his eyebrows. "You know what that means?"

"Yeah. Alice said the same thing. Told me it meant thanks."

Stephano laughed at that, smiling at Piggeh's stupidity. Piggeh raised his ears in surprise, cocking his head to the side. "She was telling you to go die you dumb slut!"

Piggeh's ears deflated, lying down flat. "That stings." Shaking his head. "But that proves my point even further. You're a match made in heaven." Piggeh said with a smirk.

Stephano's eyes widened, a horrified look on his face. "Shut up you rotten bit of bacon! I'll-"

"Shut up and let me talk." Piggeh said, pressing his hand to Stephano's mouth. "Kay... She has amazing taste. Her favorite flower is the red rose. Pretty classic." He said, Stephano removing Piggeh's hand from his mouth.

"And I should know this why?"

"Because shut the hell up and let me finish." Piggeh returned. "Her favorite color is bluish-grape-plum."

"Bluish-grape-plum? The hell is that?"

"The name I gave to the color. She said it was like grape and plum but with more blue. Now... She was born on Leap Day, but that's too far away to matter right now."

Stephano nodded, trying not to say anything.

"She likes a bunch of really random but awesome music. She likes Green Day, Ed Sheeran, The Rolling Stones, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and Panic At The Disco... and a bunch of other stuff, but I had to write this without her knowing."

Piggeh turned his arm, looking at the ink on the underside. Stephano rolled his eyes.

"She likes being surprised, so you can use that... and if you ever want to marry her, propose to her in the fall."

Stephano sat silent and unblinking, completely still. He stared at Piggeh blankly, an unreadable look on his face.

"What'rya thinkin' 'bout?" Piggeh asked, cocking his head to the side.

Stephano blinked. "What kind of sides I'm gonna serve by you when I fillet you into porkchops."

"Bro! I'm just tryin' to help you get the girl!

"What if I don't want help? And to ask her to marry me? Fuck you! Who even said that I was interested in her?" Stephano hissed, shoving the sheets away and getting to his feet.

He pulled open the armoire in the room, yanking a shirt off of the hanger and shrugging it on. Piggeh jumped off the bed, coming to stand in front of him. Stephano dug his fingernails into his palms, glaring daggers.

"Look you little pig bastard, you stay out of my business! I know I've threatened it before, but this time I'm this close to slicing you up and making a meal of you!" He shouted, holding up his thumb and index fingers barely a centimeter apart.

Piggeh laughed nervously. "Yeah, okay. I'm sure you are. So... You can return the favor later. I'm just gonna get going."

"The hell I can!" Stephano snarled, swatting Piggeh on the backside with the hanger.

"Ah! Okay, I'm leaving!" Piggeh yelped hurriedly, rushing out the door.

Stephano began to grind his teeth again, popping his knuckles as he walked over to the dresser. He ran a comb through his hair, mulling over different ways that he could bring Piggeh's life to a tragic end before finally taking a breath and calming himself.

"Stupid pervert swine... I could just wring his neck!" He huffed, flopping back down on his bed.

Mindlessly biting the inside of his cheek, he stared up at the ceiling blankly. His mind briefly began to wander around and inevitably landed on a certain diamond statue.

"She does like some pretty good music..." He muttered, thinking aloud.

He smiled, picturing the look of annoyance on her face she probably wore when Piggeh was snooping around in her personal business.

"Ah, shit... She won't think that he was asking all of that for me, will she?"

Shaking his head, he tried to think of something else to occupy his mind.

"Don't be a fucking pussy, Stephano... He mumbled, grabbing his sword and heading out the door.

Deciding that he could train for a little while, he decided to find the only other swordsman in the castle. He ran his fingers through his hair, humming softly as he walked down the stairs and through the corridors to find his twin. He would probably regret the decision, but he actually kind of missed his brother.

_**A/N**_

Silly Piggeh... *smirks and shakes head*

Alrighty then... It's a little slow right now and I hate that a bunch. Things are about to speed up though. **I PROMISE**. Stephano is just pretty tsundere and shit... (Can't believe I actually just say that. -_-) And I keep forgetting to update stuff! I have like... 3 chapters lined up that I haven't posted yet. (I'm going camping tomorrow, so there will probably be at least 1 more chapter put in tonight.) I'm sorry, bros! I feel like I can be the worst fanfiction writer ever sometimes! :-:

Okay! *claps hands together like an annoying teacher or something* Now you bros know how to tell someone to go die and/or fuck themselves with a carrot! (I'm such a classy teacher.) Btw, Alice and I share the same taste in music if you were wondering about that weird assortment. I like all kinds of stuff and I only mentioned about 1/32 of the bands and artists I like.

Leave a review! I like knowing what you bros think and how I might improve/make the story better. Any ideas? PM me! I'll be happy to hear them! Also, I'm about to start up a new story that needs some OCs. (Yes, Alice will appear. If you were wondering...) I need some bros/barrels/neutral characters and I hope that you bros might wanna offer some up. (I'll make an OC info thingeh on my profile later and tell you bros when it's done.)

~Pocky


	9. A Bit of Convincing

"You have to kind of turn your feet inward to keep your balance." Mr. Chair said, not moving his legs but trying to hold out his arms to support her.

Alice fell on her backside yet again, huffing in frustration. "That's not even humanly possible!" She shouted, pulling on her hair in frustration.

"Now, now, Alice! Don't get so flustered! Chairmoding is an art that takes years of practice." Mr. Chair consoled, patting his thigh for her to sit.

"You want me to sit on you?"

"Go ahead."

"No. I'll crush you and break your legs." She laughed softly, coming to stand next to him.

She sat cross-legged beside him, marveling at the way his knees were bent at a 90 degree angle and he still managed to sit up right as if there were an invisible chair underneath him. She waved her arm underneath him again just to be sure that it wasn't just a trick.

"Don't be silly, Alice! I'm a lot stronger than I appear, you know. I'm not trying to trick you or anything. I'm really chairmoding."

"Well then... You're like the Master of Chairmode." She sighed in defeat, gingerly resting on his lap.

Mr. Chair laughed softly, shaking his head. "No, no. I'm just part chair. I imagine it's harder for non-chairs." He explained. "But what about statue-moding?"

"Statue-moding?" She repeated, turning to look into his dark green eyes.

Mr. Chair took off his glasses, wiping them off on his sweater and still managing to sit upright. "Well, I'm not sure that that is what you would call it. I mean what you and Stephano do to stay in one position for so long. That must be easier for you since you're a statue, right?"

Alice nodded. "I guess so."

"So it would take years for me to master that, but this came easily to me. Do you see what I'm saying?"

Alice nodded happily. "Okay! I'm ready to try again."

"That's the spirit! Okay, try combining what I taught you with staying as still as a statue." He instructed, watching as she got up and stood next to him.

"Alright. Here goes." She muttered, putting her arms out and turning her feet inwards.

She began to bend her knees, looking back to Mr. Chair to make sure she was doing it right. He flashed a smile, giving her a thumbs up and a nod of assurance. She smiled back, easing into position.

"Easy does it..." He murmured, watching her slowly lean back.

She began to loose her balance but regained it quickly, determined to do it just like Mr. Chair. The tip of her tongue hung out of her mouth as she concentrated, making it hard for Mr. Chair not to laugh. She squeezed her eyes shut, an intense burning feeling in her legs. Her knees began shaking as she finally got down as low as he was.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" She began to cry, whimpering in pain.

"It's okay, Alice. It won't hurt for long."

"It stings! I can't hold it! It's too hard!" She whimpered.

"Just relax! You'll be okay!"

"It hurts so bad, Chaise!" She hissed, trying to stay still like he asked.

"We can stop if you want-"

"No. I've gotta push myself!" She returned.

"Okay then, just hold it. Relax. Breathe." He said soothingly, standing up and going to crouch in front of her.

"It's too much!"

"Then just let go!"

"Fais chier!"

Alice let go like he said, falling right on her back. She began panting softly, trying to catch up on the breathing that she had forgotten to do. He smiled, helping her up and patting her on the back. She grumbled to herself about not being able to do it.

"Hey, you did pretty good. You need to remember to breathe though. You almost turned blue." He said with a smile, wrapping an arm around her.

"Merci..." She sighed. "Can we try again sometime soon?"

"Sure thing. Whenever you want." He glanced at the clock, looking back to her with a shrug. "Just not right now. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm a tad bit late."

She nodded. "Mind if I ask what for? There's barely anything to do around here."

"I'm going to spend some quality time with my older brother Red for a while." He said with a wistful smile. "Maybe one day he'll drop by and I can introduce you two."

"That sounds great." Alice replied with a childish giggle.

"Well, I'll see you soon!" He called, rushing off rather quickly.

"Adieu!" She called back.

She sighed, going to sit on the library loveseat and massage her aching joints. Her legs were still felt as if they were on fire after trying again to chairmode. She jumped off of the couch, tripping over the coffee table when someone plopped onto the cushion next to hers.

"Did I scare you, Allison?"

It had been a while since she had heard that voice. She didn't know how long since she was never quite sure of the day, but she was sure that more than just a few had passed. She cursed silently as she held her shin where it had slammed the table, hissing in pain as her skull made contact with the floor.

"No, I just jumped over the fucking coffee table to see if I could!" She hissed, looking up and into his pitch aviators. "Where in hell did you crawl out of?"

Bernard chuckled darkly. "I've been waiting for the chair to leave so that I could see you."

"Why couldn't you talk to me with Mr. Chair in the room?"

"Well for one, I was a bit concerned about what you two were doing in here. It sounded a bit dirty for a minute or so if you ask me." He said with a smirk.

Alice sat down on the edge of the coffee table. "Pervert!" She scoffed, crossing her arms.

"You know I'm just kidding! The real reason should be obvious, dear. Bros and Barrels don't get along well. But forget that. I'm here to ask you why I haven't heard from you yet?"

Alice sighed. "I'm still thinking."

"Does it really take that long for such a smart girl to make such an obvious decision?" He asked, kicking his feet up on the table.

"It seems to me that you're a bit slow, so I'm gonna give it to you strait. These boys have treated me very nicely while you have been rather rude." She retorted. "It's not polite to treat a lady like you have treated me."

"No, Allison. It seems to me that you are the slow one here. I'm trying to help you to see that they have pulled the wool over your eyes. You're letting them trick you! And it isn't polite to keep a man waiting. I need an answer."

Alice stared at him silently, trying desperately to not blow up on him.

"Ugh. I see you still need a bit of convincing. Come with me."

"Where to?"

"Just come!" He growled, getting up and walking away.

She thought for a minute if she should stay or go. Watching him get farther away, she decided she could just follow and keep her distance. He led her through the hallway and out the door to where they had first talked. He stood and waited for her there.

"Watch your step, Allison."

She rolled her eyes, watching him pull open a pair of doors that led to a staircase underground. He took a few steps and looked back to her, noticing the look of distrust on her face.

"Well? Come on!"

She crossed her arms. "This is sketch."

"C'mon, what am I gonna do? It's not like I'm gonna poison you and hide you in the basement."

"Oh, like that makes me trust you more."

He growled in annoyance, grabbing her small hand and yanking her down. She nearly tumbled down the flight of stairs but he caught her, holding her in his arms for a little longer than needed. His hot breath on her neck caused the girl to shiver. She gritted her teeth, pushing away from him and shuttering. He smirked, beckoning her down.

The brunette girl followed warily, making sure to stay a safe distance from him just in case she had to make a break for the doors. Barry tried to make small talk, but she wasn't listening. All of the noises in the stairwell down to this cellar caught her attention, her light blue eyes flicking back and forth between Bernard and the sources. She winced at the sight of the several roaches on the way, yet payed no mind to the spiders.

"Here we are..." Bernard mumbled darkly as they reached the end of the staircase, reaching a large metal door.

He pulled out a large key and unlocked the huge chunk of beaten iron, heaving slightly to shove it open. The man turned to her, nodding his head in the direction of the doorway. She could barely see that his eyebrows were furrowed because of his shades, but it was enough to make her stomach churn. If he was on edge, then she believed that she was supposed to be that way as well. Stepping through the doorway and examining the dirt-floored room, she became rather confused.

"Uhm... Bernard? I don't understand."

"This, Allison, is a graveyard." He sighed, gesturing to the large planks of wood and piles of screws and nails around them.

The statue turned to him, frowning as she shook her head. "No it isn't."

Bernard let out a low, deep growl in the back of his throat. "Yes, my dear, it is. Take a look around. Tell me what you see."

Alice shivered. Everything about Bernard was cold in that moment. Every breath he took seemed to be in slow motion. He barely moved at all. Dust began to stir in the air as she silently walked along, running her fingers over some of the broken boards and chunks of metal. Tears began forming in her luminous eyes as she began to notice little epitaphs carved into the lumber. A cold hand rested on her shoulder as she began to cry.

"I see... I-I'm not sure what I see." She whimpered, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What you see here, doll, is the work of the Bro Army." Bernard said slowly, his tone uneven, rough, and ice cold.

"They did... All of this?"

Shaggy brown hair fell into his face as he bowed his head in front of one of the jumbled heaps of barrel parts. "I'm afraid so. You see, these all were soldiers from my army. We have no way of knowing which plank is who's, so there is no hope of bringing them back to life."

"What do you mean?" Her voice wavered, feeling more tears coming now that she was sure that these had been people.

"It's so very hard to explain..." He mumbled, turning to look back at the shaking form beside him. "The Bros did this to my men. These scraps are all of what's left of my friends, family, and some of the most loyal soldiers. I can't put them back together. Once something is shattered and can't be fixed back to exactly how it was, the soul within it is gone. For instance... Take Mr. Chair. If he were in chair form and somehow got disassembled, you could fix him back to normal and he'd be alright. Say that he were disassembled and one or two of his pieces were destroyed. What would happen?"

"No." She growled, shaking her head.

"No, what?" He returned, cocking his head to the side.

"He couldn't. And that wouldn't happen. They wouldn't do this. These were never really people." Alice hissed, her cries of denial aggravating Bernard further.

He shook his head, grabbing her by the shoulders. "They have you tricked! Don't you see? They did this! They scrambled up the pieces so that we could never bring them back! They killed them... They murder my kind senselessly. And for what?"

She sniffled, short spasms racking her body. Shaking her head, she began to walk towards the door.

"I can't stay here any longer." She muttered, feeling sick from this little trip.

Barry followed slowly behind, smirking as he watched her feebly climb back up the long stairwell. Her shoulders slumped with depression. The way back was silent. As they reached the top again, her tears had stopped. Barry stepped out of the doors, waiting for her to do the same before slamming the double doors shut again. The brunette sat down in the grass, immediately beginning to pull up some of the longer stalks.

"Now, dear... Do you see where I'm coming from?" He asked, crouching down in front of her.

She nodded.

"Good. Think. You can help me end that suffering. You have a good heart. I see that. Other people's pain hurts you. But remember, it doesn't have to."

The statue nodded again, not daring to meet his gaze.

"You know where to find me. I will be waiting for you, Allison."

And with that, Bernard was gone.

_**A/N**_

Okay, okay... I know. *in Pewdie's mocking tone* "But Pocky! Alice and the barrel just talked like... yesterday!"

No. Not they didn't. I did a time-skip type thing because it's pretty hard to keep it entertaining in Brennenburg. It's an old-as-dirt castle with barely anything fun to do, so I can't follow the bros around their day-in-day-out lives. You bros would hate me for being that freaking boring. A few days (maybe a week or so) have passed since Bernard and Alice last talked.

See what he's doing? :o *Mermaidman Voice* Evil! Evil! Eeeviiiiilllll! (Virtual Pocky and huggles if you understand that reference. :3)

P.S. Chairmoding is probably the best leg work out ever invented. (Yeah, that's right. I tried.)

~Pocky


	10. The Statues' Ideas of Fun

Manic giggling sounded in the dim corridor. She began to turn back every few steps, more fits of laughter erupting as she heard the creature stirring. Alice's crystal blue eyes scanned the hall as she ran, her smirk wide and devious. Loosing her footing as she looked back again, the statue tripped over her own feet and fell to the stone floor.

"Merde!" She laughed, propping up on her palms and brushing off the dust off of her white button down shirt.

She had modified an outfit from her wardrobe with just a pair of scissors, a needle, and some thread. She cut off the sleeves of the shirt and hemmed the edges, then took it back a little so it just barely hugged her form. The pair of black pants had been shortened so she wouldn't trip over the legs, the seam now a bit tighter so they weren't baggy. The statue quickly checked to make sure she hadn't ripped anything. Looking up, her eyes met a pair of gold ones. She flashed a smile, tilting her head to the side as she sat up.

"Hi Stephano!" She said in a sing-song voice, beginning to stand.

Stephano grabbed her hand, pulling her up and giving her a nod in greeting. He raised and eyebrow in question, a faint trace of a smile on his face.

"Oh! C'mon, we gotta run." She laughed, grabbing his arm and pulling the golden statue down the hallway.

"What? Why? What are we running for?" Stephano questioned, trying to keep up with her energetic pace.

"You'll see..." The brunette trailed off, dragging him into an open doorway and watching from inside.

Stephano tensed at the sound of a monstrous groan. Drawing his golden sword, he took a step in front of her.

"I can take care of this." He whispered, watching for the familiar hideous face of The Bro.

"No, you don't understand." Alice giggled, putting his arm down. "Just watch."

With a confused look, he dropped his sword into its sheathe and watched as she stepped back in front of him. The Bro staggered around the corner, slashing around at nothing in particular with its long, blade-like claws. A potato sack covered his head, a short scrap of rope securing it to prevent it from falling away. Stephano's golden eyes widened in horror.

"Alice, what in hell did you do?" He hissed, turning to look at the giggling brunette.

"I found him sleeping so I decided to have a little fun." She replied, stepping out into the hallway. "Like a game of tag!" The statue-girl shouted, drawing the attention of the disoriented beast in front of her.

The Bro charged forward, blindly swinging his claws as he pursued her. She turned to Stephano, ding a quick salute to him before dashing away. Stephano stood frozen in the doorway; his eyes open wide in surprise as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. Without fully understanding, he ran after them.

Alice turned on her heel, running the other way. She got behind the monster and pulled out the whip hooked to her waist, slashing it with ease at its back. The sound of flesh being torn by the hooks and barbs made Stephano cringe. Alice smirked, hooking the angered beast around the ankles and roughly yanking it off balance. Groaning and hissing in frustration, The Bro flailed and tried to stand again.

"C'mon!" Stephano growled, grabbing Alice's hand and pulling her away before The Bro could get up and maul her.

Alice gasped as she was suddenly dragged down the corridor. His grip on her hand was firm and tight, yet gentle. The gusts of air from the grunt's thrashing claws ghosted her neck, eliciting squeaks and gasps as she willed her legs to carry her faster. She shrieked as the blade-like claws grabbed her by her long tresses, yanking her backwards and bashing her in the skull with a club-like hand. She cried out, crumpling to the floor and covering her throat and face with her arms. Stephano stopped and turned, drawing his sword and lunging forward at the monster.

"Run! Now!" Stephano ordered, his sword clashing with The Bro's long, razor sharp claws.

Alice stood up and hesitated for a moment before taking off around the corner. Stephano grappled with The Bro; the sound of sword against claws echoing. The Bro began stumbling around and loosing its balance when Stephano's foot made contact with its chest and toppled it over. The statue ran while it was down, going to find Alice.

"In here!" She called, drawing his attention to one of the dimly-lit storage rooms along the corridor.

He ran inside, noticing her waving him over from behind a stack of crates. He ducked behind it, hearing that The Bro was back on its feet again.

"Mon dieu, Alice! What the fuck?"

"I don't know! He's coming! What do we do?"

Stephano sighed, peeking at the doorway and seeing it grope its way around the darkness.

"It'll be okay... Just don't... make... a noise." He whispered, crouched in a defensive stance just in case.

She nodded, pulling her knees to her chest and rocking herself as she attempted to calm her breathing. Reptilian eyes met nothing but burlap and darkness as it fumbled about, the sack still secured. Despite being blinded, it was still very dangerous. Roaring in defeat as it lost his prey, he staggered away; his lip leg dragging lazily behind.

Stephano sighed a breath of relief, turning to look at the trembling statue-girl beside him. "Are you alright?"

The brunette nodded, flipping her hair around and showing him where a chunk of it was missing. "But look!"

Stephano facepalmed. "You are an idiot, Alice."

"Hey! If it weren't for you, I would've ran the other way and been perfectly fine!"

"Oh, so now it's my fault? Your brains were about to become an area rug!"

Alice glared for a minute, only to shake her head and laugh. "I'm sorry... I should be thankful that my brain is still in my skull, so thanks for saving my ass... I guess." She admitted, perching on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "It's just boring as hell around here."

He rolled his golden eyes. "You don't have to risk your life being stupid for fun, moron."

"Shut up!" She snapped, slightly slapping him on the shoulder. "What do you do when you're bored?"

"Training."

"Okay! Let's spar!" She offered.

"Do you have your coustille?"

Alice shook her head, holding out her whip. "Only this."

"Not a fair fight..."

"What about hand-to-hand?" She asked, standing up and grabbing a candle from off the wall and using it to light a few others.

"I don't know if that's a very fair fight either... I'd hate to accidentally hurt- Woah, holy shit!"

He caught the punch she threw before he could finish, his eyes wide. She smirked, pulling her hand away.

"No hits below the waist, no hair pulling, try not to hit the face, and don't bite too hard. Got it?" She asked, casting her whip to the side.

Stephano grinned, nodding and setting his sword off to the side. "Define 'too hard'."

Throwing a couple of punches that he easily blocked, she laughed. "Don't make it weird."

Circling him, she tried hitting his pressure points, only for him to dodge. Stephano's eyes were narrowed; analyzing her every move and anticipating where she might strike next. He could tell that Alice wasn't trying all that hard. She grinned playfully, seeming to almost dance around him as she tried to get behind him. Shaking his head, he stopped her and grabbed her hands. He pried open one hand and flattened it, re-positioning her fist so it was more relaxed.

"Try hitting like this if you're punching something really hard. If you clench your fist like that, you'll break the skin on your knuckles. Okay?"

She nodded, smiling. "Okay... But, I need my hand back."

The golden statue blinked, looking down to hide his slight blush. "Oh! Right, right... Sorry." He mumbled, releasing her hand.

He put up his hands to block, taking each of the blows to his palms. "Don't hold back."

The brunette huffed irritably, settling herself for a bit. "How come I'm the one doing all the hitting? You're the one who isn't fighting back. Throw some God damned punches already!"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Shut up!" She growled, throwing a right hook in a fit of anger.

Stephano stepped to the side, grabbing her wrist and twisting it. He pinned her against the wall with her still clenched fist above her head, the other useless off to the side. Their faces were only mere inches apart, her eyes wide in shock an cheeks flushed pink. He tilted his head to the side, a few stray golden locks falling in front of his eyes. Leaning forward a bit and clicking his tongue, he smirked

"Watch your temper, sweetheart." He whispered huskily.

All traces of her frustration had melted away like ice in the scorching sun. The diamond statue's mouth opened slightly as if she were about to say something, but she closed them again; her mind drawing blank. All of her focus was trained on his golden eyes studying her intensely.  
She leaned forward slowly, his eyes snapping back up to meet her crystal blue ones. Stephano began to loosen his grip and was about to step away when he noticed her eyes flutter closed. Taking a deep breath and closing his own eyes, he leaned in and kissed her.

He let go of her wrists, instead gently holding her at the waist. Alice hesitantly rested her hands on his shoulders and stood on her toes to make up for the height difference. Closing the gap between them, he pulled her close with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She trailed her fingers along the back of his neck, twirling the ends of his hair around them. Stephano was the first to pull away, still holding her against himself.

They both stared silently. Unsure of what to say, he started to let go of her and step back. Alice quickly wrapped her arms around his torso, nuzzling his chest and sighing contently. Taken aback, he just blinked.

"Your heart is racing." Alice purred softly, a faint smile playing on her lips.

Stephano placed a gentle hand on the side of her neck, tilting her face up to look at him. Feeling her pulse under his fingertips, he smiled. "Yours too."

_**A/N**_

... I'm uh... not sure what to say here... So just pretend like I had something witty to say.

So, school starts back on Monday! 3: So sad! I'm gonna try my hardest to make sure this doesn't make me post any less! Speaking of school... I posted that thing on my profile. Go check it out if you want to contribute to my next story! I'd greatly appreciate it!

Piggeh: So does this count on them being "together"? I'm sure your lovely readers would love to know how I'm going to torture- I MEAN... uhhh... What I'm going to do once I win the bet. *looks out at readers and smirks*

Me: Ehehehe~ Well, maybe! *to readers* Leave a review for Stephano and Alice? Or take a guess at what Mr. Chair is gonna have to do? :3


	11. Losing The Bet and Meeting The Brother

With a groan and mutters of foreign curses, Stephano rolled out of bed. The statue yawned and stretched his stiff muscles as he walked to his wardrobe to get dressed. He grabbed the comb off of his nightstand and tried to untangle his bed-head, yawning another curse when the comb snagged. Dressed and still half asleep, he opened the door and barely tripped over the small table placed there.

"Why the fuck?"

Bending down and snatching a note off of the large box sitting there, he examined the handwriting and recognized it as Pewdie's.

_"Howsa goin' bro? I was here really fucking early this morning for some play time, but I figured you'd probably kill me if I woke you up."_

Stephano nodded, a small smile on his face as he continued reading.

_"So, I decided to just leave this note here. I kind of mentioned Alice to her and well... Marzia decided to come with me."_

The style of handwriting changed. This one was much more feminine. Stephano assumed that it was hers.

_"Hello there! I was listening to Felix talking about his quests and he mentioned that there was a new girl there! So, I figured that she probably needed new clothes. He said that she looked about my size. I hope he's right... I put this all together for her and brought it with me when I came to play with Felix. Also, he told me that leaving it with you probably wasn't the best idea. He's just being silly, right? I want to meet her soon! Okay? Bye!"_

Stephano laughed noticing that in his head he had read that in Marzia's voice. He set the note down and looked at the huge white box, tilting his head to the side.

"Damn, Marzia... Do you think you gave her _enough_?" He asked sarcastically, putting the box inside to give to Alice later.

He shut the door and locked it, coming to see yet another note. "Damn it with all these fucking notes!" He grumbled, pulling it off the door.

"Good morning Stephano! Piggeh, Mr. Chair and I are having morning tea together. We're in the library. Come join us? -Alice"

He smiled, opening his door again and grabbing the box before heading towards the library. He combed through his hair with his fingers and pushed it out of his eyes. He swung the door of the library open, setting the box down and plopping down on the sofa.

"Hello, Stephano! Sleep well?" Mr. Chair asked from across the coffee table, pouring a cup of tea.

Stephano nodded sleepily, his eyes closing briefly. He felt something warm against his side and opened them again, smiling at Alice who had her arms wrapped around his shoulders. He looked back at Mr. Chair who hadn't taken notice. The brunet man just had a blissful look on his face as he sipped his tea. Piggeh wasn't as oblivious. Piggeh's magenta eyes were almost sparkling with delight.

"What's _all this_?" He asked slowly, flipping his pink hair; his pig ears standing up atop his head.

Alice yawned, pressing her cheek to Stephano's shoulder. Looking up to him, she shrugged. He grinned at Piggeh coyly, snaking an arm around her waist.

"I don't know... What does it look like?"

Piggeh jumped, sliding across the coffee table in front of an unsuspecting Mr. Chair. The petite man's green eyes opened wide with surprise, his tea almost spilling over the rim. The pig-human smirked.

"Yeh!~ I win."

Mr. Chair raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"The bet, Mr. Chair. I win the bet."

Mr. Chair's pale face drained of all color at that moment. He looked like he had seen a ghost once he realized that he was at Piggeh's mercy. Setting his tea down, he grabbed Piggeh by the sweater and pulled him closer.

"Please, no! Don't do anything harsh!"

Piggeh grinned evilly, shaking his head and clicking his tongue. "A bet's a bet."

Alice tensed, letting go of Stephano and popping her knuckles. "You two took a bet on us?" She growled, glaring at them intensely.

Piggeh looked up at the peeved diamond staute. "Well, pretty much. Mr. Chair here called me silly 'cause I shipped you guys."

Alice narrowed her eyes, turning to Mr. Chair. "Is this true?"

Stephano stopped her, holding her hands in between his. "Calm down, it isn't that big of a deal. These guys are assholes... you've got to remember that."

She sighed, leaning against him again. "Right." She laughed softly, relaxing as he wrapped an arm around her.

Mr. Chair blinked, trying to change the subject. "So Stephano... What's in the box? If I can ask..."

Stephano looked up. "Oh, right... Alice. I have a gift for you from Marzia."

Piggeh stood, grabbing the box. "It's fucking massive! What's in it?"

"Clothes and stuff.."

Alice stood, taking it from Piggeh. "Well how sweet!" She took a look at her current outfit; another makeshift one until she could find something better. "I'm going to go change."

Piggeh sighed, watching her leave. "Stephano, you_ lucky_ bastard..."

"Pardon moi?"

"You're just really fucking lucky. I was hoping to tap dat ass at _least once_ before you got ahold of her."

"Percy! That is highly innapropr-"

Mr. Chair's chastisement was cut short by the sound of Stephano's boot smacking Piggeh square in the forehead and knocking him backwards. The golden statue snickered as Piggeh laid there motionless. Turning to Mr. Chair, he grinned.

"You don't think that I'm lucky enough for that to have killed him, non?"

Mr. Chair sighed, laughing halfheartedly. "He's like pink eye. He's hard to get rid of and just keeps coming back."

Piggeh shot up at that. "Mr. Chair! I thought you were on my side!"

"Your side?"

Piggeh nodded, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him close. "Mhm... Because I enchant you _so much_."

Mr. Chair nearly choked, spitting out his tea in a short spasm. Stephano rolled his eyes, turning to face the door as it opened again. Alice had changed into a light pink knit sweater, a pair of skinny jeans and a white scarf tied loosely around her neck. Piggeh groaned.

"She's wearing a pink sweater now! Stephanoooo! Now I _have_ to tap it!"

"Have to what?" She asked, pulling her long brown hair out of the back of her scarf.

"Touch her and you die." Stephano threatened, pulling her into his lap.

"Well then!" Piggeh turned to Mr. Chair. "I'll just feel _you_ up instead."

Mr. Chair jumped up, snatching his tea and stepping away. "Oh, no you won't."

Piggeh leaned back, crossing his arms. "We'll see about what I can and can't do come tomorrow, won't we now?"

"What do you mean?" Mr. Chair asked nervously, taking a step closer to the statues for comfort.

Piggeh tilted his head down a bit and gave his best rape face. "You'll see come tomorrow, loser." He stood up and headed towards the door. "As a matter of fact... I'm gonna go get everything ready. Sleep good. I want you bright-eyed and ready first thing in the morning." Opening the door and dropping into pig-form, he trotted out.

Mr. Chair shuttered, sitting down beside Stephano and Alice. He turned to them, his eyes desperate. "Please help me." He whined grabbing a diamond hand and gently patting it pleadingly.

"You totally deserve this." Alice giggled, leaning into the crook of Stephano's neck. "Don't make bets on peoples' relationships."

Mr. Chair leaned forward and cupped Alice's cheeks. "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

She shook her head, smiling sweetly. "Je suis desole... Mais non."

"Stephano? You'll protect me, right?"

Stephano chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. "I actually really wanna know how this shit all plays out."

Mr. Chair's face dropped. "You two are so cruel! Do you remember who we're talking about? _This is Piggeh_! Goodness gracious, do you know what he does to people like me?"

Stephano scoffed. "Don't wanna hear about his weekends, Chaise."

"So cruel!" He cried out, falling back on the couch cushions.

Alice sighed. "Don't whine about it. Here, I'll help you make sure that your room is Piggeh-proof so he can't get to you while you're sleeping. Sound good?"

Mr. Chair perked up. "I guess that's better than nothing..."

Standing up, Alice held her hand out for Stephano to take. "Coming with us?"

He shook his head. "Merci, but no. You two... have fun with that." He laughed, getting to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Mr. Chair asked, grabbing Alice's wrist.

"Places. I'll see you later."

The two blinked as Stephano walked off. "Well okay then. Let's go..." Alice sighed.

"Wasn't that odd to you?"

Alice turned to him and cocked her head to the side. "What was odd?"

"The way he said that. And the way he just kind of disappeared without another word? Did it not strike you as strange?" Mr. Chair asked, walking through the door and to his room.

Alice followed, shrugging lazily. "Stephano _is_ strange."

The green eyed man smiled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "You know, I'm sorry about this silly bet."

Alice laughed softly. "I was just fooling around. I don't actually give a shit."

Mr. Chair looked down. "Oh. Yeah, well... I'm just a little bit worried. But really, I never imagined that you guys would pull such a 180... And now all of the sudden you're so... _cuddly_. I find it odd."

"Odd love is the best kind."

Mr. Chair began blushing, turning his face away so Alice couldn't see. "Really? Might you elaborate?"

"I mean... Say there's a wolf and a kitten. By nature, they shouldn't be together, correct?"

"I thought we were-" He sighed. "Okay, yes. They can't be because the kitten will be afraid of the wolf and if they get too close, the wolf will eat the kitten."

"Exactly. But let's say that the wolf sees the kitten and decides that she's the most beautiful kitten he's ever seen. This drives him crazy, right? So this wolf is going to try his hardest to get that kitten."

"I don't think I understand." Mr. Chair said, looking up at her.

"You see, the wolf will do everything in his power to be with the kitty. That being said, so will the kitten. She will do everything she can, even though she knows that the relationship isn't normal. Their love is weird, but sweet. They care that much about each other. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"You're very wise, Alice."

Alice smiled. "Nah. I just kind of lost my sanity while I was locked in that cabinet."

Mr. Chair facepalmed, producing a key from his pocket and unlocking his door. "Lovely..."

Alice peeked around the corner with a devious grin plastered to her face. Her target was just around the corner with his sword in hand, dragging it along a flat stone to sharpen it.

"I just have to knock it out of his hand so he doesn't fall on it..." She mumbled to herself, getting ready to run.

Turning the corner, she sprinted into the room and pounced. In a fit of flailing and French swearing, she ended up on top of him with his shoulders pinned to the floor. He looked up at her with his eyes wide.

"Wait a minute... You're not Stephano!"

He relaxed at that. "Non."

In a flash, the Stephano look-a-like had switched the positions. He was on top now, holding her down by the wrists. She squirmed, trying to break free and shove him off.

"Alice... I see you've met my brother."

They both turned to the doorway to where the voice had come from. The real Stephano had leaned against the doorway, his eyes narrowed. He walked into the room and hooked his foot under his brother, pushing him over and off of the diamond statue.

"Gonzales, what in hell were you doing?" He asked calmly, helping Alice up.

Gonzales shrugged. "One minute I'm just standing here minding my own business; waiting for you to get back. The next I'm being pinned down by a beautiful woman."

"So you pinned her?"

"Oui."

Alice stared blankly. "Eh... _Que_?"

Gonzales stepped forward, leaving a quick kiss on both of Alice's cheeks. "I am Stephano's older brother Gonzales. Enchantee, Alice."

"We're twins, basieur." Stephano growled, stepping closer to her protectively.

"Oui, but I was born first. And learned to walk, talk, and fight first. Not to mention better..."

"That is a lie and you damn well know it! I could take you out any day."

"Would you like to try it?" Gonzales asked, stepping closer to his brother.

"Bitch, I might!" Stephano spat back.

"Excusez-moi! S'il vous plait!"

The twins turned to her.

"No fighting, please? I just met my boyfriend's twin brother... So if they could just not try to kill each other, that would be great."

Gonzales turned to Stephano with a puzzled look. "No way... She's yours?"

Stephano smirked, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to his side. "Oui. You jelly brah?"

Turning to Alice, he cocked his head to the side. "Might I ask why? I mean, we are devilishly handsome but... he's the _best_ you can do?"

Stephano made a low growl in his throat at his twin. "Watch what you say, Gonz."

Gonzales ignored him. "Don't get me wrong. I love my brother... but you could do _so_ much better, belle." Before she could protest, he had her hands in his. "If you get tired of Stephy, then I can show you how a man _should_ treat a lady."

The diamond statue stood still as Stephano death-glared his twin. Reaching up to massage his temples, he closed his eyes.

"Gonzales... If you'd like to keep your hands... I suggest that you keep them off of her."

Gonzales grinned, taking his hands away and putting them up in surrender. Walking around behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder; his hands not touching her. "This any better?"

"Gonzales! Casse-toi!" Stephano hissed, grabbing his twin by the shoulders and pulling him away.

Alice stood uncomfortably off to the side as the two started fighting. Swearing in French and taking petty, low shots at each other, the twins were at each other's throats. The brunette began to grind her teeth anxiously. The moment things started getting physical, she stepped in.

"Boys! Boys! Boys! Stop fighting or I swear on Cthulhu's dick I will cut both of you!" She shouted over their argument, pulling out her basilard and holding it out between them.

"Eh, fine. Fine. I shall be the bigger man here and apologize. That was on me." Gonzales sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

"Damned right it was." Stephano mumbled, earning a slap on the shoulder from Alice.

"Look, I've given you the wrong impression of me, alright? Let me treat you both to a nice glass of wine or two. We can get to know each other over a few drinks, right?" Gonzales offered, a genuine smile on his face.

"That'd be fantastique."

"Hug to make up?"

Stephano scoffed. Alice turned to him and shot him a dirty look. He rolled his eyes. Stepping a bit closer, the twins bear-hugged. Alice smiled in satisfaction. Gonzales turned away, gesturing towards the door.

"Come, come."

The two other statues followed the first; Alice with a smile and Stephano with a snarl. She wrapped her arms around one of his, resting her head on his shoulder. He relaxed, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

"I'm going to get you for agreeing to this."

She smirked. "Is that a threat?"

Returning the smirk, he winked. "Might be."

Gonzales turned, looking to Stephano. "The boss'd kill me if he knew about this." With that, he turned and unlocked the door to a room stocked floor-to-ceiling and wall-to-wall with wine.

He waved them in, sitting down on one of the big armchairs sitting about. Stephano sat directly across from him with Alice in his lap. Gonzales grabbed the bottle of wine closest to his hand and three glasses, filling them each up near to the top. Taking one of the glasses, Alice clicked her tongue.

"Don't you think this is a bit much?" She asked, taking a whiff of the deep red liquor.

Gonzales waved his hand, taking a swig of it and chuckling softly. "Nonsense. If you get a tiny bit tipsy, you have nothing to worry about. You're with family."

Stephano rolled his eyes, knocking back a good portion of the glass. Listening to his brother begin to ask Alice about herself, he admired the sweet taste of the wine. If he were to survive this night, he decided he was going to need quite a few more drinks.

_**A/N**_

Ey, bros! I start school tomorrow! *looks at clock* _**Merde...**_Scratch that. Today. It's 3 A.M. right now. Soooooo... Here's a kind of teaser chapter. I left subtle hints for shit all over this one. **FORESHADOWING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!** Heh, yeah... So. Sorry about the chapter title... I had no fucking idea what to call it, but I suppose you guys don't care all that much because you haven't commented on my other shitty chapter-names. X)

So, I feel like my writing keeps getting shittier and shittier. I'm really sorry. I feel bad about this, an my romance isn't top notch because I just got my heart broken a little bit... So yeah. But anyway, writing makes me happy and so do reviews. Leave one for Mr. Chair? Or give a review for brother Gonzales? ;) I was really proud of you bros' concern for poor Mr. Chair. Almost all of the reviews mentioned him.

Mr. Chair:**_ AT LEAST SOMEBODY IS CONCERNED FOR ME!_** *cries*

Me: I'm sorry, Mr. Chair! It'll be okay! *looks through computer screen* Right, guys? Well, see you guys later! I'll post more ASAP. Bye!


	12. A Cute Pin-up

"_Fuck off_, sunlight..." The tiny statuette begged, coiling tighter up into a ball atop of her pillow.

She liked sleeping this way. Despite her plea, the rays persisted. She sat up and took off the tiny night gown she had made herself from a white glove. Growing back to human size, she walked to the wardrobe and pulled it open, looking for her original blue dress.

"Where'd it go?" She asked herself, sorting through the plentiful articles of clothing Marzia had gifted to her.

Finding it to be missing, she tilted her head to the side. She shrugged, pulling out a light green strapless chiffon dress that brushed her knees and pulling it on. Alice's long brunette hair had tangled in her sleep and deciding she didn't want to fool with it, she brushed it and pulled it back into a low ponytail.

"Piggeh said to be the library at 11, right?" She asked herself, looking at the note he had left on her door last night before she went to bed.

Heading out the door, she rushed to Stephano's room. By the time she got there, her breathing was uneven and her side hurt a little. The door proved to be locked as she turned the knob. She sighed, her plan falling apart. She'd have to knock and wake him. As she lifted her hand to knock, she got an idea. Alice smirked, the doorknob clicking after a few minutes of digging around in the lock with a bobby pin.

Golden locks of hair was visible splayed out on one of the pillows, the rest of him covered by his sheets. Alice smirked, backing up till her back touched the wall. She dashed forward, leaping onto the bed and pouncing on the sleeping statue.

"Agh! _Putain_!" Stephano growled, sitting up so fast he could feel his head spin.

Alice blinked at the sword at her throat. He rubbed his eyes, his mouth gaped as he realized who was sitting on his lap.

"_Oh mon dieu... desole_." He fell back against his pillow. "_Ma petit chou_, don't do that!"

Alice giggled, leaning forward to place a kiss on both cheeks and then to his lips. "Sorry, _mon cher_. Do you always sleep with this beside you?" She asked, tapping her finger against the blade of his sword.

He nodded. "Yes, I do..." Sitting back up, he held her at the waist.

"Get up and get dressed. We're going out with people."

"Tell me Gonzales won't be there." Stephano muttered, his eyes narrowed.

"Are you being serious?" Alice asked, rolling hers.

"He was there last night, right? I think he was. And there was wine. I know that there was wine..." He asked jokingly, a goofy grin on his face.

"Oh, so you were sober enough to notice that?" She asked back in reply, standing up and grabbing his hands.

"It's not my fault that I need alcohol to deal with my idiotic brother."

Alice huffed, yanking him up. "Get dressed before I shank you."

Stephano turned around, looking at her with a look of slight annoyance. "What has you in a mood?"

"Take a joke!" Alice returned, sitting down on the side of the bed and grabbing his sword. "But I _am_ a little pissed."

"Why, Al?" Stephano asked over his shoulder, shrugging on a shirt.

"'Cause my favorite dress is missing! I really wanted to wear it today!" She complained, her shoulders slumped.

"First world problems? Or is that just a lady problem?"

"Shut up." She laughed, letting out a yawn.

"Well, I think you look beautiful in the dress you're wearing. Let's go." He picked her up bridal style, shifting her a bit so he could open, close, and then lock the door.

"_Merci_, but... my legs work perfectly fine." Alice mumbled, trying to squirm from his hold.

"I know. You have no choice. So, where are we going?"

"Library." She sighed, giving up and locking her fingers behind his neck.

They walked silently- well, he walked. Stephano yawned, still sleepy and rather sluggish. Alice yawned in response, giggling for no real reason.

"Chaise and Piggeh?" Stephano asked.

"Oui, them." Alice confirmed, helping him push open the door.

"Yeyuh! You guys came! I'm pumped!" Piggeh shouted, throwing his arms around both statues. "You guys are just in time!"

"Time for what?" Stephano asked, already suspicious of his pink-haired bro.

"My victory! You guys can bask in the glory with me since without you guys I couldn't of won, you lovely shiny freaks!" He exclaimed, jumping up and down. "I'm so pumped! So pumped! So fuckin' pumped I might die!"

"Please do... whenever you get the chance." Stephano remarked, sitting down in an brown leather armchair against the wall with Alice in his lap.

She climbed up and sat on the back rest about half a foot over his head, her legs dangling off beside his left shoulder. Leaning over a bit, she began to mess with his hair. He reached a hand up, feeling around for his trademark headdress and looking up at her when it was gone. She sat above him with a proud grin, the golden fabric resting on top of her head. Rolling his eyes, he relaxed and allowed her to mess with his golden hair as she pleased. Piggeh sat on the loveseat opposite to them with his magenta eyes trained on the door.

"What are you all wound up about, Piggeh?" Alice asked, working Stephano's hair into little braids that soon fell out on their own.

"You'll see. Just wait." Piggeh answered, stretching out and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

He grabbed a book off of the table and began to leaf through it, giving up and tossing it back in boredom after only a few minutes had passed. The statuette perched atop of the armchair hummed softly as Stephano began drifting off. She smirked at the small smile played on his lips. Giving his hair a swift, mischievous tug, he let out a surprised yelp. He narrowed his eyes, looking up at her in annoyance. She kissed him on the forehead to apologize.

The door creaked open. Piggeh's furry ears stood up, tilting slightly towards the noise. He smirked, sitting up strait on one side of the loveseat. Alice continued playing, blissfully unaware. Stephano watched Piggeh for a minute, turning to the door just in time to see someone scurry in.

"Alice, sweetheart?" Stephano whispered.

She leaned forward to tried and listen, only to tumble forward and land back into his lap. With an 'oof' she sat up, ignoring his amused smirk.

"Oui?"

"I think I know who took your dress." He whispered, pointing to the figure sitting cross-legged beside Piggeh.

Alice's eyes widened in shock. There sat a familiar bro with chocolate brown hair and green eyes. His hair looked so much longer without his hat and his glasses were absent from his face. The knee-length light blue dress had been pinned up so it was more... revealing. His smooth, pale legs were clad in lace up stockings and a pair of shiny black heels to match the ribbons on the dress.

"Mr. Chair?" She asked, leaving Stephano's lap again to go sit on the coffee table.

"I'm really sorry, Alice." He muttered, looking down. "Please don't be mad at me for wearing this..."

"Mad? No. The only thing that bothers me is that you look better in it than me." She commented. "All that chairmoding really paid off for you, huh? You have really amazing legs..."

Mr. Chair grabbed the edge of his dress, trying to pull it down enough to hide his legs. Looking up, Alice noticed the light makeup accentuating his features. He wore a bit of dark eyeliner and a little mascara, with just a touch of clear lip gloss on his already pinkish lips. He was flushed enough that he didn't need to apply any powdered blush. Stephano got up and sat on the table too, taking a closer look.

"_Oh la vache_... You look like a lady." He said, tilting his head to the side. "Chaise... How could you let him do this to you?"

"Because he lost the bet and he wouldn't do the other thing. Since I win and he lost, he's gonna do whatever I say for three whole days." Piggeh said with a smirk. "And the first thing I wanted was an adorable pin-up."

"Within reason." Mr. Chair butted in, looking down shamefully.

"So you made poor Mr. Chair crossdress?" Alice asked, looking over the androgynous young man in her dress. "How is that within reason?"

"Yeh." Piggeh answered, totally satisfied with himself. "It's within reason because he wouldn't do the other thing."

Stephano made a cross between a scoff and a growl. "You need professional help."

"You're just jelly because you don't have a cute pin-up to do whatever you want." Piggeh answered, crossing his arms.

"_Jealous?_ No. _Sane?_ At least a little more level-headed than you."

Mr. Chair looked up. "Don't worry about me, Stephano. I was the one silly enough to make this bet. We have boundaries, so three days shouldn't be too bad." He said it like he was trying to re-assure himself.

"Have you learned your lesson?" Alice asked, poking and prodding at the poor chair-human.

"Yes. Making bets on relationships is mean and wrong."

"Non, the real lesson here is that if you make a bet with Piggeh, you're gonna get fucking **screwed**." Stephano laughed, standing up and walking over to the fireplace beside the sitting-area. "Youuuuu... are an idiot, Mr. Chair." He finished in a low chuckle, picking up some paper to get the fire going.

Mr. Chair sighed, nodding slowly. Alice leaned forward and hugged him, glaring at Piggeh menacingly as she did so. Piggeh shrugged, clapping his hands together. Mr. Chair looked up, a defeated look on his face.

"Yes, master?"

Stephano fell to the floor in front of the crackling fire. He made a sort of choking noise before erupting in manic laughter. Curling up into a ball, he clutched his stomach.

"Master? What kind of sicko shit is this? I feel like I'm witnessing the beginning of a really bad porno. I'm about to blow fucking chunks!" He snickered, trying to catch his breath.

Piggeh glared at him, unamused. "No. If this were a porno, it would be the best damned porno ever made."

Alice and Mr. Chair both facepalmed.

"Tell me what it is that you want before I decide on a way to get out of this." Mr. Chair grumbled.

"Tea and a back massage." Piggeh answered cheekily. "And there's no way out of this, hun. You did the crime, now you do the time."

"Fine, fine." The cross dresser huffed, puffing out his cheeks as he stood up and walked out of the room.

Alice watched him go, turning back to Piggeh after a minute. "You truly are a disgusting pervert."

Piggeh smirked. "A good looking disgusting pervert with a really sexy butler. I wonder if he'd get mad if I called him Sebastion..."

Stephano scrunched up his nose, sitting back down in the armchair. "I really don't know why I hang out with you."

Alice sprawled out on the table, squirming a bit to try and shift some books out of her way. "I need a drink. Bad."

"Alcoholic? Isn't it a little too early for that?" Mr. Chair asked, returning with a tray of teacups and a pot.

"Nah. I'd actually really like to make this tea Irish anyway. Be a lamb and go get that for us?" Piggeh answered for her, grabbing a cup and taking a sip.

Mr. Chair made a low growl. "You couldn't have asked before I left to get the tea? Do you realize how hard it is to walk in these stilettos? My feet are bent inhumanly-"

"Don't get snippy." The roset reminded him, kicking his feet up on Alice's stomach.

"Fine! What would you guys like?"

"Whiskey."

"Gin."

"Vodka."

"Gosh, you all are alcoholics. You're gonna damage your livers. And then where will you be? I swear I'm the only one with sense around here sometimes." Mr. Chair hissed under his breath, angrily stomping away.

"I guess someone has his stockings on too tight." Stephano muttered, leaning a bit towards the warmth of the fire.

Alice and Piggeh both snickered at that comment.

"I don't know... He actually looks kind of adorable if you ask me." She sighed.

"Should I be worried?" Stephano asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Yes. Be worried. Very worried." She returned, getting up to lay across his lap.

"Wait... Can you like... make Stephano wear a dress?" Piggeh asked, his pig ears standing up.

"Non. Go fuck yourself." The golden statue answered, petting her hair.

"C'mon! Now I'm curious! What if she showed you her tits or something?"

"Fuck off, sir!" Alice shouted. "You creepy-ass pig weirdo."

Piggeh shrugged. "I'd do it."

The pig-human flinched at a sharp slap to the back of his head. Mr. Chair gracefully turned around the coffee table, handing Stephano and Alice both a glass and then returning to the couch. He placed the tray onto the table, handing a flask to Piggeh before sitting down with his legs crossed.

"Hey! What did I say about slapping?" Piggeh asked in a scolding tone.

"No. You aren't getting one, so don't even ask." The brunet sighed, sliding off the black stilettos.  
"Ugh, fine. But I still want a massage."

Mr. Chair nodded, getting on his knees behind the pink haired bro and beginning to knead his shoulders. Piggeh sighed in content, pouring some liquor into his tea

"This is how life is done. Take notes, kiddos."

Stephano made yet another noise of disgust. "I'm beginning to think that prolonged exposure to you is a hazard to my health."

Alice nodded in agreement. Mr. Chair suppressed a small giggle. Piggeh smirked.

"Prolonged exposure to me without proper protection may lead to sexual frustration and spontaneous orgasms." He stated, turning up his drink.

"Or maybe just mental scarring." Alice remarked, tipping up her glass.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_A bird? A plane? No! It's a pagebreak!_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

After a few bottles of alcohol shared between them, everyone was feeling a tad bit warm and fuzzy on the inside. They had each had a little too much. Giggling about things that weren't really funny and reminiscing about things that never happened, the only sober one of the group smirked.

"Y'know, Steph? Don't tell anyone... but I think that smirk of yours is really sexy."

He chuckled softly, combing through her no-longer-pulled-back brown hair. "Is that so?"

She hadn't been the first, but she was the second one of the group to get a little buzzed. Piggeh was tipsy only about half a drink after Alice. They had all been amused by the low alcohol tolerance of the first one to get completely lit; Mr. Chair.

"Oui... just don't tell _anyone_, 'kay?"

Stephano nodded at the statuette sprawled across his lap, beginning to feel that small giggly feeling that would soon evolve into what the others were experiencing. He leaned back, feeling the warmth of the fire and listening to the quiet crackling. Alice smiled, cuddling up closer to him. She watched the other two bros, an amused gleam in her crystal blue eyes.

Piggeh had stretched out on the small sofa, his pink converse kicked off to the side. He had somehow managed to get Mr. Chair to lay on top of him. Mr. Chair's head rested on the pink-sweater clad shoulder, his arms loosely looped around the roset's neck. Piggeh's hands had wandered for a bit before they finally found their places- one resting on the place between where the light blue dress ended and the lace stockings began. The other was pressed firmly on his stomach, Piggeh's cheek pressed to the top of his head. They could almost hear the small brunet purring in delight, soaking up all of the cuddling and attention like a lazy house cat.

"Piiiigehh?" Alice called, sitting up just enough to look him in the eye.

"Yeh?"

She held up two thumbs in reply, bursting into a fit of slightly-drunken laughter. Piggeh smirked back, sliding his hand up Mr. Chair's thigh just a bit more. He never noticed. The green-eyed man had drifted off, the alcohol proving to be a bit too much for him. Sitting in silence, the bros all began to drift off. As the time passed and they all slept, the fire burning out into darkness. A few minutes quickly became hours. When Stephano's eyes opened again, he looked around in confusion.

"How long have we been sleeping?" He asked, looking for some indication of the time.

The grandfather clock across the small sitting area read 11:57. He groaned, rubbing his eyes and trying to sit up. Alice mumbled softly, mewling when he shifted her. He tapped her on the shoulder, smiling when she nuzzled him with her cheek.

"Al... Wake up..." He muttered into her ear, gently shaking her awake.

The little diamond statue stirred, rolling over. She clumsily rolled over the side of the armchair, landing on the hardwood floor with a thud.

"Ah! Merde. Merde. Merde. Merde!" She muttered, holding her head in her hands.

Stephano smirked, chuckling softly. "Y'alright, _mon petit ange_?"

She glared up at him from the floor, fixing her dress back over her legs. Standing up, the brunette sighed. "Just peachy." Her mind was still a little cloudy. She looked over at the two bros laying snuggled up on the couch. "Should we... uhm..."

"Wake them? Idunno." Stephano replied, his golden eyes closing as he let out a yawn. "I always knew this would happen."

Alice tipitoed over to the sofa, sitting down on the coffee table in front of them. She tugged at the skirt part of her (or Mr. Chair's?) dress. He snored softly, making the statuette giggle. Instead, she lifted one of the furry pink pig ears atop of Piggeh's head and began to sing in a soft whisper.

_"Frere Percy, frere Percy,_  
_Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?_  
_Sonnez les minuit! Sonnez le minuit!_  
_Din, dain, don. Din, dain, don."_

His magenta eyes opened lazily, and he yawned. "Idunno what the fuck that means, but... what happened?" Looking around and feeling the heat on his chest, he smirked. "Oh, fuck yes..."

"It's almost midnight. so get 'chour ass up and get to bed."

"Ugh, really? Can't you see this incredibly sexy brunet on top of me? I'm good right where I am."

Stephano stood, walking over to the couch and hoisting a still-sleeping Mr. Chair over his shoulder. "About that... I think it's best that we don't leave him alone with you."

"I can take him home! It's not like I'm gonna rape him or anything! Who do you take me for? Do you guys not trust me?"

The statues both stared at him blankly.

"Oh come on!" Piggeh whined, standing up. "That stings."

"Stephano and I can take him." Alice sighed, re-adjusting the tail of the dress so it covered him properly.

Piggeh rolled the petite chair-human off of Stephano's shoulder, cradling him close to his own chest. "You bros don't understand... I don't want to hurt him. I really just wanna hold him and snuggle him."

Alice smiled, giggling softly. Stephano looked down at her, shaking his head. "I still don't trust him."

Alice narrowed her eyes, barely punching his shoulder. "Shut up. He's sincere."

Piggeh smiled at her, rocking Mr. Chair back and forth happily. "Yay! Nighty-night, bros." He shifted the cross dresser, kissing the top of Alice's head. "Love you, Allie." Turning to Stephano, he smirked. "Fuck you, Stephano."

Stephano smiled back, holding up a middle finger. "Right back at you, you stupid pig bastard."

With that, Piggeh happily scampered away.

Stephano turned to Alice. "If Mr. Chair gets defiled, it's all on you."

"Shut up and take me home." She replied, linking her arm with one of his.

"Right this way, milady." He cooed, half-sarcastically.

She laughed, walking along his side. As she walked down the corridor with him, she watched the moonlight coming through the windows glint of of his metallic form. Her fingers roamed, trailing over the golden fabric covering his muscled arm. He barely paid notice, watching her closely examine him; her eyes scrutinizing every detail.

"Al... Is something wrong?" Stephano asked, turning a corner to a different branch of the long hallway.

She barely heard him; her mind a million miles away. She could hear him speak, but she failed to register what he had said. The little diamond statuette's grip on his arm tightened. He could see very clearly that she was on edge.

"Alice. Are you listening?"

She seemed to ignore him. Her eyes darted from place to place, looking for anything to confirm her suspicions. She could feel another pair of eyes on them; watching their every move. He began to gently nudge her, trying to get her attention. She continued disregarding him.

"Alice, ange..."

Nothing.

"Alice!" He barked, stopping dead in his tracks and roughly grabbing her by the shoulders.

Snapping out of the trance, Alice flinched away. "I'm fine."

He sighed, relaxing a bit. "Don't scare me like that." Stephano held her close in a tight hug, gently running his fingers through her hair. "Now, don't lie to me. What's bothering you all of the sudden?"

The petite girl shook her head. "I'm not bothered. Why do you ask?"

Stephano made a low growl in the back of his throat. "You're lying."

"Look, I just don't feel- Well... Do you ever feel like you're going a little mad, but-"

Interrupted by a battle cry of sorts, she nearly jumped right out of her skin. Stephano let go of her, drawing his sword and standing protectively in front of her. She pulled out the basilard hanging from a leather cord around her neck, trying to peek at whatever- or whoever- had made the sound from around his side.

The sound of smashing wood and pieces of metal clattering to the stone floor made her jump yet again. Stephano stepped forward, looking around the corner and seeming to relax again. Alice raised an eyebrow in question, going around him to see what all the noise was. She gasped, her eyes widening at who stood there.

"_**SVEN!**_" She squealed, running down and glomping the unsuspecting Viking.

Sven stumbled, taking a moment to regain his footing. The large raven-haired viking blinked in confusion. Once he realized who was hanging on to him, he bellowed a deep, raspy chuckle.

"Hello, little one."

She hugged the burly man tighter, giving him a kiss on the cheek in greeting. "I've missed you!"

"I've missed your companionship as well." He looked over her shoulder, noticing the golden man standing there; examining the pile of barrels (or what_ used_ to be barrels) and the battle axe sticking out of them. "Oi, Stephano!" He boomed, beckoning the statue over.

Stephano turned, smiling at Sven. "Bonjour. Comment vas-tu?"

"Stephano... You know I can't understand you." Sven sighed, rolling his eyes and setting the petite statue-girl down.

"Right, right. Sorry. How have you been?" Stephano repeated; in English this time.

"I've been well. And you?" The man replied, combing through his curly raven-black beard.

"Can't complain." Stephano sighed, wrapping an arm around Alice's waist as she returned to his side.

Sven narrowed his eyes. Alice stood on her toes, trying to stand tall enough to kiss Stephano on the forehead. The golden statue smirked, stooping down a little so she could. Sven cleared his throat.

"Oh, right... Sven. Stephano and I are together." She explained, turning back to look at the Viking.

"Ah! Well, that's wonderful, little one. Do you think I could... have a word with him for just a minute?"

Alice looked puzzled. "Sure... I suppose so."

Stephano nodded, walking over to Sven and around the corner. Alice huffed, plopping down on a nearby crate. Once around the corner, Sven clapped a heavy hand on Stephano's shoulder. Stephano looked up at him (even if Stephano is tall, Sven is pretty much _a tower_. A tower made of cinder blocks.) with a look of slight confusion. The Viking sighed.

"I never thought I'd get to do this because I never had a daughter... but Alison is like my daughter, so I'll go ahead and say it."

Stephano nodded, not quite understanding.

"That girl is precious. You best treat her like a princess, because she deserves it. I love her like she's my very own, and I want her to be happy, ya hear? If I find out that you've mistreated her, laid a hand on her, or made her shed even a single tear..." He pointed to the large battle axe stuck in the pile of scrap-wood that used to be barrels. "I'll be sure to lodge that there axe in your skull. Understood?"

The golden statue's face was as stoic as ever. He nodded in confirmation. "Understood."

Sven smiled, patting Stephano on the back so hard it could have left rugby-ball sized bruises. "Great. Now, we all have some catching up to do, don't we?" He asked, turning back around the corner. "After all, I've truly missed my little gem."

_**A/N**_

Hai, hai! It's me again! So... I have a few things to tell you all, but first... translations.

ma petit chou- my little cabbage (a very popular term of endearment in French, believe it or not.)

mon/ma chere/cherie- my dear (You all should know that.)

mon ange- my angel

'frere Percy' (Actually Phillip, Jaques, etc...)-

Brother Percy, Brother Percy  
Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?  
Midnight bells are ringing! Midnight bells are ringing!  
Ding, dang, dong. Ding, dang, dong.  
(I tried my best to change it from 'morning bells' to 'midnight bells'... So don't hate me for screwing up a traditional song if that isn't accurate.

Anyway! New chapter after my computer mishap! Woohoo! I see the end of this story coming in only a few more chapters! (Aweh!) One of my good friends has requested a sequel. Will I write it? Yes. For her. Will I be posting it? That is up to you bros. You want it? TELL MEH!

My new story should be up REALLY soon. I'm still trying to fit all of the wonderful OCs you bros sent me in, so please be patient. ALSO! If you want an OC in, it has to be in by the time I post the second chapter. Kay?

Piggeh: *hands me a mop*

Me: *takes it* What's this for?

Piggeh: *points to the readers* For all of the fangirls that nosebled over Chaise in a dress. *blows kisses and walks away*

Me: Oh... *smirks* Yeah... Didja enjoy that? (I did.) Leave a review to let me know!

Mr. Chair: Can I take it off now? * tugs down skirt*

Piggeh: *smirks evilly* I'll help. *chases MC*

Me: Okay then... *waves* Bye for now!

~Pocky


End file.
